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Dude

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  • #399563
    Dude
    Participant

    Anita, thanks for keeping responding.

    So, the lawyers suggested to you that the employers unfairly used the videotaped and transcribed yoga ball incident against you, meaning, there was nothing wrong that you did, during that incident?

    I think it was the fact that basically everyone I knew including those in my club & other clubs were aware of the incident. Many members in my club have connections with architecture firms in my area & some I went to school with. As a club leader, I received many hate comments & death threats in my inbox from the public & those in my club regarding the situation. For many months I had to go through all that. Some went as far as publically calling me out & condemning my actions that day, with around 2 other clubs cutting our partnership. I think the lawyer meant had this incident not been public or have been blown up to this extent, I would’ve had a better chance securing the job.

    As for Helcat,

    You don’t understand why he refused because everyone bounces on your yoga ball. Are you asking multiple people to do this?
    Everyone as in everyone who’s been to my house. He was the only one who came over to my place in over a year. There are some of my own friends who came over to my house & those would just sit on the ball & “naturally” bounce without me saying anything… Sometimes I wouldn’t even notice. Even at the gym or in another’s house.

    Someone with healthy boundaries would not be friends with you after you doxxing them. This friendship could be unhealthy for your friend.
    My friend does not remember anything about our past (I even asked him). Knowing him for almost 10 years he is a very forgetful person… In past I remember sometimes he would show up late for a social outing with us & our friend group simply because he forgot the time we were supposed to meet! With your logic I don’t think he would’ve reached out to me at all, & probably would’ve ignored the mutual friend.

    I told my friend had I not helped him revert his decision, this incident would’ve haunted me for the rest of my life. Regardless if he forgave me for it. And it would take several years to regain my reputation, if it was even possible. Many more articles about this incident probably would’ve been published by other people.

    A therapist might not be legally necessary but it is a good idea because you don’t seem to understand that these things are inappropriate. Perhaps it is important to figure out the impulses that lead you to do these inappropriate things?
    This incident was the only instance where I’ve done something like this… I’ve also been told that it’s not the bouncing, it was the pressure, guilt-trip & demandful behaviour was the culprit. Although I’m a bit traumatized by my friend saying “this was the worst experience I’ve ever been through in my entire life”, I’m grateful that he gave me another opportunity to become friends with him again in the future.

    As I mentioned earlier in terms of my employment situation, we are waiting for the rest of the articles to be taken down off our community club in other servers & online. Once all references to the incident are removed I will start reapplying.

    #399536
    Dude
    Participant

    Anita, I thought you actually unsubscribed to my thread so I made another new thread.

    What you shared today is that you saw a lawyer, but you didn’t mention anything about discussing your employment situation with the lawyer.

    I indeed told them about how I was having a hard time finding employment & how I was rejected multiple times because of the incident & showed him everything, including the video evidence & transcript. I even showed the lawyer a recent article that was published with my full name on it regarding the incident. The lawyer said there wasn’t much I could do in this situation, since the incident is now public information. The lawyer advised me to deactivate all my social media accounts, resign from the club I own and not apply for any jobs for a long period of time. The lawyer’s reason was that “to protect your reputation & to give time for others to move on from this. It takes about several months to years to rebuild your reputation. You’ve basically been a victim of cancel culture”.

    After the conversation I had with my friend yesterday, he is working with me to take down public documents regarding the yoga ball incident so I have a better chance of finding a job. Once we do, I will start to reapply for jobs.

    It seems to me that your primary concern is still, as it was before, to get this young man back in your life and spend time with him alone, just the two of you. I think that you are infatuated and sexually attracted to him, and I am concerned about the future of the renewed contact with him.
    Actually, no. We are both young adults in our 20s. In our conversation yesterday, we didn’t mention anything about going to each other’s houses or sitting on a yoga ball. My objective was to restore the friendship we had before the pandemic & the trust between us. I’ve made that very clear with him. I’ve also made it clear that I vowed to not repeat those mistakes I made to not only him but my other friends, as he suggested. He also suggested “Just let me know in like June when you want to hang out”.

    Like I’ve mentioned previously, we’ve known each other for nearly 10 years. We’ve been friends since 9th grade. We had classes together & shared the same friend group (the mutual friend was part of the high school friend group). And no Anita, I am not in any way sexually attracted to him.

    he told you that he doesn’t feel comfortable to be alone with you

    He meant in public (yes he actually said that). Before Covid we would often go to bars &/or food places/restaurants together with just the 2 of us.

    and the next thing you did was to pressure him to be alone with you sooner than later, asking him how long it would take him to… be alone with you again.

    Actually, no… He meant as in just us 2 hanging out in places. I only asked him how long it would take for the trust to be restored. The mutual friend & I are planning future outings in the summer & the fall so we can have the opportunity to rebuild the trust between Friend & I.

    Back in March I suggested that you see a psychotherapist, did you?
    The lawyer asked me if I had any sexual enticement or attraction with people bouncing on yoga balls, I replied “no”. He then told me there was no need to see a psychotherapist, so I didn’t see one.

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks ago by Dude.
    #399530
    Dude
    Participant

    Hello all,

    Today was a good day for me.

    I followed Anita’s advice into seeing a lawyer… The lawyer advised me that there wasn’t much I could do but to wait a long period of time… I asked the lawyer if it would be okay to reach out to him… He said it could be possible but it is risky. He told me you will be better off asking a mutual friend to ask for you. I decided to do it anyway for the sake of my reputation.

    Earlier this week, I asked a mutual friend to reach out to my friend. The friend agreed to Initially he didn’t want to restart the friendship, but after saying I felt bad, missing the good times & willing to erase those negative thoughts about me, he agreed to partially resume the friendship. I also told him that since I’m not living with my aunt, we will once again have the opportunity to do the stuff we wanted to do before COVID. He then agreed to partially restart it by saying “I would be okay with hanging out with you in a group setting. Just not the 2 of us yet.” When I asked him how long it would take, he said “until I’m comfortable”.

    Although the full friendship wasn’t fully restored yet it is a step in the right direction. I’m glad we were able to reconcile & I hope we will be able to restore the full friendship in the near future.

    #394925
    Dude
    Participant

    Anita, thanks for responding.

    Following your aunt’s home being burglarized, she installed security cameras in the garage, which is an entry point to her home.
    There are cameras all over the house. Outside, my aunt hid them with the assistance of myself & my other cousin.


    Anticipating F’s visit with you in the garage, you disabled the cameras. There were no chairs in the garage, no sofa to sit on, the only options to sit were the floor or 2 giant yoga balls. You sat on one, F sat on the other.
    Due to COVID-19 restrictions, I wasn’t allowed to bring any chairs or any furniture out into the garage. That includes me using anything as a chair in the garage. My aunt said it was “high risk” even with extensive cleaning. The yoga ball I have is actually 1 large peanut shaped one. In 2015 I bought the ball because I thought it looked cool. We both sat on the same ball, like a bench.

    In communication with me, you expressed a concern that F will sue you in court.
    It has now been 6 months since the incident. If I recall correctly, he does not have the footage from that day. I obtained the footage exclusively from my aunt. I only said that because I feared that if he had this footage, he would’ve sued me a long time ago.

     employers are afraid of and try to avoid sexual harassment taking place in the workplace because it would cost them a lot of money to be sued by potential victims.
    From the October 2021 job, my other friend who referred me to the place told me that our boss fired me because “he & his business did not want to deal with any backlash, specifically hate comments, death threats & boycotting. At the time I was getting a lot of hate comments & people were boycotting my club for what I did. He did not mention anything sexually related about it.

    I am unsure how other employers found out. I guess maybe through that Wiki I mentioned earlier. I doubt people saw the footage, maybe just the conversation we had. As far as I know, I’m the only one other than my family who’s seen the footage.

    (1) See a lawyer in your state, get the legal information that you need so to figure out how to proceed in regard to your future employment situation
    How would I do this? Do I just show tell them what happened & how jobs weren’t being offered to me because of the incident? & What happens if they can’t do anything? I’ve only applied for their jobs & possibly failed their background check for that incident. Only about 5 of the 100 jobs I applied to responded.

    I’ve seen a video where employers “gather everything they find on the internet from every source they can get for that person they’re hiring. They check all social media profiles, any clubs you’re in, any activity you’ve been up to. As soon as they find something negative, most employers will probably immediately dismiss this person & move on to someone else”

    In this case I believed many employers stumbled upon the Wiki page or other (unknown to me) sources about the incident. In regards to the Wiki, I’ve already sent a takedown request for the yoga ball allegations.

    #394865
    Dude
    Participant

    HoneyBlossom,

    I’m sorry for your loss, my apologies for not adding this to my reply. My condolences to you and your family.

    #394864
    Dude
    Participant

    HoneyBlossom, thanks for joining in.

    I believe you but wondered if some of the other people may have thought that.  If you Google “Yoga Ball masturbation” you will see heaps of links about it.
    Really there could be 2 ways people could have interpreted it: 1. Neglect of a person’s respect & empathy by constantly asking the friend to bounce on the ball without regard 2. Potential sexual motive in order to entice self/own benefit

    I feel sorry for you that your aunt did that though I was very upset when my father had chemo for terminal cancer and my cousins wife came to our Christmas party despite us being VERY clear that nobody with a cold could come.  My father did get a cold from her presence there, went back into hospital and t h at was our last Xmas with our father.  I do however think that your aunt use of cameras was over the top. I agree with Anita that likely s h e is so stressed by her husband’s illness that she has taken things further than I would have.
    This is exactly why my aunt was so strict on me, my cousins & my mother. She did not want to take ANY risk. The cameras, however, were already there even before Covid. We had a home invasion in the start of 2020, & during the invasion, things were stolen. Unfortunately we didn’t have any security system, so she bought a system with additional cameras. Now iirc (If I Recall Correctly) some of the cameras were faulty so she had to use an old iPhone, an iPad 7 & a GoPro Max.

    My aunt’s restrictions, although effective, came at the cost of our social lives. My cousin wasn’t allowed to have his girlfriend inside the house, just like me we were only allowed guests in the garage. During the height of the pandemic, my aunt didn’t allow my other cousin who is a pharmacist at a downtown hospital to live in the house. My other cousin actually had to borrow her friend’s condo because of that. Same with the 2020-2021 lockdown in our area. In the summer, my aunt allowed my cousins & I to come to our backyard.

    I didn’t understand why my aunt kept her restrictions in 2021 after I got fully vaccinated. She told me “I could still catch it & spread it to my uncle” but my uncle had 2 doses, just like me. In fact, he was the 1st one to get vaccinated in our family!

    As of November 6, 2021, my mother & I moved to the downtown part of the city. It was because I was kicked due to the incident & my mother didn’t want me to stay home all the time.

    Is your town a very small one?
    We live in a suburb. I moved to the downtown part of the same city. Ever since I moved, I’ve been seeing some friends & going out a lot.

    I hope very much that you can move on from this and get on with your life. I don’t think you should give up on the architecture plans just yet.
    I still have a strong belief that my friend will forgive me soon (as by unblocking & maybe readding each other) despite him blocking me again recently. We’ve known each other for almost 10 years. We’ve been high school buddies. I even helped him pay part of his University Student Debt in 2019.

    Another reason why I want to restart the friendship is because since I’m not under my aunt’s restrictions anymore, my friend & I would have the freedom to choose where to hang out once again. We could be going shopping, hanging out with his friends, going to that not-so-new burger place he wanted to see & going to bubble tea, just like what we did before Covid. Until that happens, I’ll be hanging out with other friends, focusing on myself & trying to get a career in architecture.

    As for my job career, I’m still actively looking. Although this incident is hurting my process. About half my college friend group has a job already after graduation.

    There are also links to group warm-up and team-building exercises using yoga balls.  I’ve participated in a few silly and fun group warm-up in study groups.
    I’ve seen those at my local gym!

    #394850
    Dude
    Participant

    HoneyBlossom, I’ve never heard of that before.

    I never had a sexual mindset when I was asking him to bounce. Both of us were wearing appropriate clothing. We were just bored. There was nothing else we could do in the garage. We weren’t allowed to touch anything. I’m a jolly person, who likes to make jokes all the time, & so was he. It was the only thing I could think of at the time. I couldn’t really understand why he didn’t want to, because he was the only one out of all my friends who didn’t bounce. At the time it didn’t really make sense to me.

    I really hope he didn’t think I was asking him to bounce for sexual reasons!

    #394846
    Dude
    Participant

    Anita, thanks for responding.

    My understanding, Dude, is that if you indeed acted creepy before covid (your former friend said that his “whole relationship with you has been nothing but creepy“), then Covid?
    Like I mentioned to HoneyBlossom, I believe he said “…whole relationship with [me] has been nothing but creepy & uncomfortable…” & “you give me such weird vibes bro” out of anger. Before the incident, my friend & I would talk normally on iMessage every now & then. He has only been to my house 2x (once in September 9, 2020, all went well & exactly a year later) & we went out for bubble tea on September 19, 2020 with no incident.

    When I invited him over to my house for the 2nd time, he didn’t initially want to come again, since everything was opening up. After explaining my situation, he offered to come back again.

    Before Covid, we had plans to go downtown to check out a new burger place. Obviously we postponed that due to Covid. Both of us were going out every few weeks eating at restaurants, going shopping and even meeting up with his other friends. Since I posted his number on the white board in 2018, there has been no complaint about creepy behaviour.

    I wonder if, independent of the yoga ball incident, you gave potential employers similar weird vibes to those you gave our former friend?
    I only filled in the information the application the questions they were asking me. I only got 1 interview & it went well. But because of the incident, I was fired. On my 1st day. I never gave anyone else “weird or creepy vibes” during my shift. I didn’t even meet other employers since then.

    What is this club about? Did the employers you contacted have access to the club website where they were able to read about their potential employee’s yoga ball related creepiness?
    I run a gaming club of my own. My friend was in the club for a little, but he went inactive, then left because of the incident.

    I’m not entirely sure how the employers found out. I never posted anything about it in our club website or chat group, brought it up in interviews, nor did I find any news articles tied to my name regarding the incident. However, I did come across a Wiki page about my club, with just my username & 1st name, with a section of it illustrating every detail about the incident. I believe potential employers may have come across that Wiki & saw it. Although it’s not illegal, those potential employers most likely didn’t want someone associated with an incident like this working for their company.

    Another friend suggested to me “As an employer, if I were to see stuff like that about someone that applied for a job for my company, I would probably consider someone else”

    Did you ever figure out what was it about bouncing on the yoga ball that got you going that day, (or was it longer than a day, maybe still?
    We were just bored. There was nothing else we could do in the garage. We weren’t allowed to touch anything. I’m a jolly person, who likes to make jokes all the time, & so was he. It was the only thing I could think of at the time. I couldn’t really understand why he didn’t want to, because he was the only one out of all my friends who didn’t bounce. At the time it didn’t really make sense to me.

    #394835
    Dude
    Participant

    What do you mean by “d o want seem over-emotional to me”?

    #394833
    Dude
    Participant

    I believe he said that out of anger, since nothing really happened before the incident. We were doing just fine, although when he came to my garage it was our 1st time seeing each other in person since late 2020. Up until that incident we had a good friendship. Before he left my garage he offered me to hang out at a mall.

    #394829
    Dude
    Participant

    Hello Anita, thanks again for responding.

    My apologies! I didn’t know you don’t open links. The Google Document had the full transcript of the incident, what you asked me for. Instead, I will place the transcript here.

    September 9, 2021 video footage (some parts were edited to
    protect identity) This transcript only contains key moments
    Right before friend arrives, aunt receives notification that camera was not functioning
    Calls me & says “Don’t touch anything. You better put that camera back where it was”
    10 minutes after friend arrives & sits on ball…
    Friend: Why are there 2 cameras pointing straight at us?
    Me: I don’t know, stop asking, I don’t want my aunt to know I disabled them.
    Friend: That’s really weird
    5 minutes later…
    Me: Friend you should bounce
    Friend: I don’t like bouncing
    Me: Why lol
    Friend: Idk it’s just kinda weird, I wanted to sit on a chair (aunt didn’t allow me to use her chairs. I was
    only allowed to use the ball due to COVID-19 restrictions in my house)
    Me: You sure?
    Friend: Yes

    Me: It’s just-
    Friend: That’s kind of the most randomest thing I’ve ever heard. What’s with you and bouncing?

    Me: Lol, you’re kind of the only one that didn’t bounce, out of all my friends
    Friend: And your point?

    Me: Uh-
    Friend: You’ve asked me like 3 times already. This is so weird

    10 minutes later…
    Friend: So wait, you said you disabled the cameras?
    Me: Yes
    Friend: How did you disabled them?
    Me: I don’t know. I think I just locked the phones and unplugged them
    Friend: This is kind of lame, it would’ve been nice if we went out, because most people just go out & get
    food & stuff
    Me: Yes I know
    Me: …Please man, cheer me up
    Friend: Ok you do it. I’ll stand up
    Me: Naw man please?
    Friend: No man, why are you so obsessed with bouncing?
    Me: It’s just cause I haven’t done this in a while
    Friend: Done what in a while
    Me: Idk sitting on it
    Friend: Now you are. Dude this is kind of making me uncomfortable. Why are you so obsessed with

    that? It’s the 4th time you asked me that today.

    Me: No, cause-
    Friend: What’s up with bouncing?

    Me: I thought you said you liked it before? Like you enjoyed doing it before, like you said?
    Friend: Are you okay? What’s going on, this is so weird! What’s up with the bouncing? Naw man, I don’t
    wanna bounce. That’s just kinda weird
    Me: Just face the other way though
    Friend: I’m telling you, I’ve never in my life never heard someone talk about bouncing this much. Like,
    what’s up with bouncing? Like are you okay?

    Me: I don’t know, it’s just fun-
    Friend: You’re trying so hard to get me to bounce, don’t you think that’s kind of strange?

    Me: No?
    Friend: Okay?
    Me: Like, I had friends that told me to do stuff like that
    Friend: But I already told you that I don’t want to, you kept asking me. You can bounce if you want
    Me: No, you do it
    Friend: I already told you I don’t want to do it. You can bounce if you want
    Me: No, you do it
    Friend: Well, I mean you don’t have to either
    20 minutes later…

    Me: So uh… you sure you don’t wanna bounce?
    Friend: No man, I’m okay.
    Me: I’ll buy you something
    Friend: What? How are you supposed to go out? You can’t even go out
    Me: No, since I saw you (My aunt would only allow me to go out with my friends who showed up to the
    garage)
    Friend: Oh no it’s okay man. It was my pleasure to come see you
    Me: I know but please
    Friend: No…
    Me: Do it for like 5 seconds
    Friend: Why don’t you just bounce, it would be the same thing
    Me: No you do it
    Friend: WHY?
    Me: Cause
    Friend: Give me one good reason to
    Me: It’s like, good for you?
    Friend: Dude, that is just like so random bro, like I’m good man, no I’m done

    Me: Have you ever-
    Friend: Because you know why? There’s all these cameras here.

    Me: Dude they’re off
    Friend: You don’t know that, you said you’re not sure. That one might be on (the one on the side). I
    don’t wanna be on camera bouncing bro

    Me: *Gets up to the camera he was talking about* This one is OFF
    Friend: Naw man, it’s okay

    Friend offers to make plans for his Reading Week, mentioning he was completely free. I apologize for
    the visit since it didn’t go to mine or his plans, he forgave me.
    After he left, aunt confronts me about the cameras. Furious, she tells me that “You lost your privilege”.
    Then I immediately tell my friend, & he offers to come back to apologize, but I told him he would have
    to wait.
    September 14: The day our friendship ended
    I called my friend & told him that my aunt was strict & she wanted things her own way. Although she
    didn’t mention specifically, I knew she was going to ask my friend to go back to the garage & wait for
    him (she has done this with my cousin’s girlfriend)
    Here are screen captures from our last conversation. These shots are in the correct order. (Please view the attached screenshots)

    Me: Ok
    Sorry again this has to be so complicated

    Friend: It’s aight no worries
    As long as you leave the garage door open I don’t mind waiting inside for her

    Me: OOp ldk about that

    Friend: Lol
    (2 Replies)
    I’ll just wait on the driveway then she can still see me from the door there

    Me:Uh

    Friend: 2pm!

    Me: Uh

    Friend: Hm?
    I’ll just wait on the driveway then she can still see me from the door there
    (2 Replies)

    Me: I just need u to follow whatever she says so

    Friend: Yeah but I’m not gonna do something I’m not comfortable with
    I’m not gonna go in the garage did it’s getting closed
    <div class=”messagesWrapper-RpOMA3 group-spacing-16″>
    <div class=”scroller-kQBbkU auto-2K3UW5 scrollerBase-_bVAAt disableScrollAnchor-6TwzvM managedReactiveScroller-1lEEh3″ dir=”ltr” tabindex=”-1″ role=”group” data-jump-section=”global”>
    <div class=”scrollerContent-2SW0kQ content-2a4AW9″>
    <div class=”message-2CShn3 cozyMessage-1DWF9U wrapper-30-Nkg cozy-VmLDNB zalgo-26OfGz” tabindex=”-1″ role=”article” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-951562641380356176″ aria-setsize=”-1″ aria-roledescription=”Message” aria-labelledby=”message-username-951561476819279873 uid_1 message-content-951562641380356176 uid_2 message-timestamp-951562641380356176″>
    <div class=”contents-2MsGLg”>
    <div id=”message-content-951562641380356176″ class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Me: I just have a feeling she might keep us in the garage again</div>
    <div></div>
    <div class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Friend: If you’re ain’t has no respect for my comfort zone then I’m not gonna bother coming
    aunt*
    Not ain’t*

    Me: But then I will get in trouble for you not coming to apologize</div>
    <div></div>
    <div class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Friend: Why would you get in trouble if you’re not the one who flopped</div>
    <div></div>
    <div class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Me: Because I already told her you are coming</div>
    <div></div>
    <div class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Friend: I’m going to come at 2, but I’m not doing something I’m not comfortable with</div>
    <div></div>
    <div class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Me: Would you be comfortable with no cameras in the garage?
    Because my mom is telling her to remove all of them I can’t be sure of that.

    Friend: I’ll wait in the garage if it’s open, or ill wait right in front of the garage right under the gate

    Me: And if she sees us arguing she will get mad

    Friend: I won’t say a word.
    I’m just gonna stand there lol

    Me: Stand where?</div>
    <div></div>
    <div class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Friend: At the garage entrance</div>
    </div>
    </div>
    </div>
    </div>
    </div>
    <form class=”form-3gdLxP”>
    <div class=”channelTextArea-1FufC0 channelTextArea-1VQBuV”>
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    <div class=”inner-NQg18Y sansAttachButton-1ERHue”>
    <div class=”placeholder-1_mJY1 fontSize16Padding-XoMpjI” aria-hidden=”true”>I’ll wait for your aunt
    <div class=”message-2CShn3 cozyMessage-1DWF9U wrapper-30-Nkg cozy-VmLDNB zalgo-26OfGz” tabindex=”-1″ role=”article” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-951564007272230936″ aria-setsize=”-1″ aria-roledescription=”Message” aria-labelledby=”message-username-951561476819279873 uid_1 message-content-951564007272230936 uid_2 message-timestamp-951564007272230936″>
    <div class=”contents-2MsGLg”>
    <div id=”message-content-951564007272230936″ class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Me: Omg
    This is making me very very worried
    I’m at my lowest point I’ve ever been

    Friend: Honestly I don’t even think it’s worth coming anymore. This is all so weird and I don’t wanna waste my time with something that’s so dumb. I’d rather just forget about the whole weird, creepy experience and just not come to your place ever again. You can show your aunt this text as proof that I decided not to come.

    Me: No

    Friend: Im sorry you feel that way man, I hope your aunt starts treating you better or at least you can save money to move out soon

    Me: If u don’t come, she will be mad
    Because I already told her you are coming

    Friend: Okay well she’ll be mad at morning
    Nothing*
    Tell her I didn’t think it was worth it anymore
    Take a screenshot and show her

    Me: She wants to hear from u in person Tell her that I felt creeped out by all these weird rules and I’d rather just avoid going there in the future

    Me: I already did that
    She won’t believe me

    Friend: After everything you’ve been telling me, taking to her is now out of my comfort zone</div>
    <div>
    <div class=”message-2CShn3 cozyMessage-1DWF9U wrapper-30-Nkg cozy-VmLDNB zalgo-26OfGz” tabindex=”-1″ role=”article” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-951564668084822047″ aria-setsize=”-1″ aria-roledescription=”Message” aria-labelledby=”message-username-951561476819279873 uid_1 message-content-951564668084822047 uid_2 message-timestamp-951564668084822047″>
    <div class=”contents-2MsGLg”>
    <div id=”message-content-951564668084822047″ class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Show her my texts if she doesn’t believe you</div>
    <div></div>
    <div class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Me: This will affect me more than it will affect you

    Friend: How? You have proof right here of how I feel
    You can just show her

    Me: She prob won’t believe it for whatever reason

    Friend: It was my idea in the first place to come, so why would she be mad that I changed my mind
    Well all her rules are putting me off
    That’s why I don’t wanna come
    It’s not gonna affect, you didn’t do anything

    Me: Look bro I’m trying to tell u this is the easy way out
    I won’t make u do this ever again if it goes well

    Friend: Nah man. I’m not comfortable with it anymore

    Me: Like I said this is not my rules
    We’ll I’m screwed then
    Friend: Why are you screwed?

    Me: Because she will be mad at me for u not coming over to say sorry, even if I show her all these texts u sent me And I might even be either kicked out or not be allowed to see anyone
    And if I do get kicked out where will I live?</div>
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    <div aria-hidden=”true”>
    <div class=”message-2CShn3 cozyMessage-1DWF9U wrapper-30-Nkg cozy-VmLDNB zalgo-26OfGz” tabindex=”-1″ role=”article” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-951566184535425095″ aria-setsize=”-1″ aria-roledescription=”Message” aria-labelledby=”message-username-951561476819279873 uid_1 message-content-951566184535425095 uid_2 message-timestamp-951566184535425095″>
    <div class=”contents-2MsGLg”>
    <div id=”message-content-951566184535425095″ class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Friend: Why are you guilt-tripping me bro? I do you a favor by agreeing to hang out, and then I get recorded by a by a bunch of cameras, and I’m uncomfortable by that and I don’t want to go near your house anymore, and now you’re making me come there?

    Me: I cannot afford any rent and neither can my mom

    Friend: Bro that’s ridiculous, you’re not gonna get kicked out just because I didn’t come anymore. That literally has nothing to do with you, it’s just me changing my mind
    (2 Replies That’s ridiculous Bro that’s ridiculous, you’re not gonna get kicked out just because I didn’t come anymore. That literally has nothing to do with you, it’s just me changing my mind)
    (2 Replies)</div>
    <div></div>
    <div class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Me: I’m on the last straw
    They’ve had enough of me insisting and changing the rules

    Friend: No Bro I’ll be honest with you. My whole friendship with you has been nothing but creepy and uncomfortable for me…every time I come there, it’s always so weird. The cameras are sooo creepy, and even more so when you keep asking me weird questions like asking me to bounce on the ball.…you give me such weird vibes bro and it doesn’t help that you’re recording me. Please stop trying to guilt-trip me now…you’re using guilt to get me to come tomorrow when I already told you I’m not comfortable…you call me your friend but you’re willing to force me to do something I’m not comfortable with? Really?

    Me: You know what
    Tmo I’m just gonna tell her all this
    I’ll show her all the texts and everything
    Clearly this is not working

    Friend: Man…..I’m not even trying to be mean.…I’m just SO creeped out
    Like bro this is sooo weirdddd

    Me: So am I

    Friend: Everything

    Me: I never expected to see this happen

    Friend: Like you’re a good person man. I know you are.
    But this whole thing with your aunt, bro I don’t wanna deal with this
    Im a busy guy and I don’t have time to deal with creepy weird situations that shouldn’t be happening

    Me: 2021 has been just at bad as 2020 for me
    I’ll be honest sometimes I question is life even worth living

    Friend: Life is worth living man
    Don’t let your aunt take away your will to live

    Me: I just feel so trapped right now

    Friend: But please understand if I don’t wanna deal with your aunt
    I don’t wanna get blamed for that I know you’re a good guy and I wish you the best in life, but I don’t wanna deal with situations like this
    I’m sorry I really hope in the future, no matter how long it takes, you’ll be free from that BS treatment
    But until then, I don’t wanna deal with that bro
    At least your mom is on your side and you guys have plans of moving out eventually</div>
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    <div id=”message-content-951568011318407260″ class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Me: It’s not me, it’s her
    Every since covid started she was like this
    Let me just talk to her tomorrow and see what she says
    I need to tell here there is nothing I can do to make you come here
    With all the restrictions she has put in place
    I feel like I failed yet again like I did in high school
    This is a disaster

    Friend: Covid wont last forever. I think within the next year or 2 the pandemic could be over, hopefully she becomes less strict by then. And I hope your situation gets better man, I really do. You’re a good person man and you deserve better
    Ok ya talk to her
    I just don’t wanna deal with her tbh lol

    Me: Neither do it
    I

    Friend: Her cameras creeped me th out

    Me: So did I
    Life for me went downhill ever since Chris started rbombing
    Back in May
    I can’t even believe this stuff is even happening
    Like what did I do to make it be like this

    Friend: Well man, one advice I can give you to keep friends is don’t pull them out of their comfort zone. Like forever the stuff about bouncing on your yoga ball & no offense bro but that’s kinda weird</div>
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    <div id=”message-content-951568819778879509″ class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>But overall I know you’re a good guy and idk why Chris just left like that
    At least he should tell you first why he wants to cut you off
    (1 Reply)
    Not just leave without any warning
    At least he should tell you first why he wants to cut you off

    Me: I still have him on social media but every time I ask him something he rbombs

    Friend: Whatever he’s not worth it then

    Me:  No
    I believe he will come back one was or another just like u did
    Way

    Friend: Well I hope you’re right man

    Me: Again I am very sorry for all this. I feel like I betrayed your trust again
    Please forgive me

    Friend: It’s okay man I forgive you, but tbh I kinda feel like distancing myself for now because of all the weird vibes I’ve been getting 2 Replies It’s just really uncomfortable
    Yk what I mean?
    <div class=”message-2CShn3 cozyMessage-1DWF9U wrapper-30-Nkg cozy-VmLDNB zalgo-26OfGz” tabindex=”-1″ role=”article” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-951569499239358496″ aria-setsize=”-1″ aria-roledescription=”Message” aria-labelledby=”message-username-951561476819279873 uid_1 message-content-951569499239358496 uid_2 message-timestamp-951569499239358496″>
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    <div id=”message-content-951569499239358496″ class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Me: I wish I had more control of this situation

    Friend: I get it
    (It’s okay man I forgive you, but tbh I kinda feel like distancing myself for now because of all the weird vibes I’ve been getting) (2 Replies)

    Me: At this point I don’t even see a point either I
    t’s just my aunt

    Friend: Like I said, I truly hope your situation gets better in the future
    Yeah I know
    But I hope you understand how I feel tho and why I’m just not comfortable rn

    Me:But I need to ask u something

    Friend: I g2g to bed now lol

    Me:If she loosens her restrictions and let’s us hang out OUTSIDE MY HOUSE would you be down?
    OOp

    Friend: ldk maybe man
    Not Rn
    Pretty busy now

    Me: And would u change ur mind about distancing itself

    Friend: Ya l guess
    Maybe after a while when I’m over that crazy experience in your garage</div>
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    <div id=”message-content-951570467322486834″ class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Ok man I g2g

    Me: So ur not coming right?

    Friend: Nah man sorry

    Me: Ok
    Pray for me
    And my situation

    Friend: I will man. Specifically for your aunt to realize on her own that she’s way too intense a

    Me: I’m gonna try something out

    Friend: What

    Me: Thanks bro

    Friend: Show her our screenshots so she realiZes how she made me feel lol

    Me: That’s part of the plan

    Friend: What are you trying out

    Me: I’m gonna tell her about all this and how her rules are making not only me but you very uncomfortable
    The main reason why she has all these rules is because she doesn’t want any of us to catch covid and spread it to my uncle who is immunocompromised

    Friend: Ok man
    Cameras are still weird tho</div>
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    Me: EXACTLY
    I’ll let u know how it turns out

    Friend: Alright

    Me: But hopefully it turns out good
    Anyways gn I don’t wanna keep u up lol

    Friend: aight man

    Me: Hopefully we can do more things in the near future
    I really care about this friendship cause ur my closest friend rn

    Friend: I get it man but I hope you understand why I wanna step back for now tho. But yeah talk to your aunt tomorrow, I don’t want her to make any more of your other friends uncomfortable too
    That wouldn’t be fair for them

    Yes I know

    Friend: Gnight man

    Me: I understand why right now
    Ok gn</div>
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    About 2 hours later, I discover that I’m blocked on all social media platforms we have together. I was shocked because I didn’t know that our friendship would just end, he only told me that he was stepping back.

    So, what would be the legal basis for your former friend to sue you in court?
    I don’t know. But the video footage combined with our conversation can be used as evidence against me in court. I think it would be criminal harassment?

    And why would you asking him to bounce on the ball be the basis for rejection by employers… and why would it shatter your family/life?
    I run a small club of my own. Yes, about a week after the incident the news has spread to those in my club. Someone, believed to be himself or a friend of his posted a document about the incident, with just the chat transcript I had with my ex-friend in my chat group. I immediately faced extensive backlash regarding the situation. Many of my club members left my club because of that. Even some of my club admins resigned because “they didn’t want to associate themselves with me & the backlash I was getting”. Although the document has been deleted, I’ve heard people have copies of it elsewhere.

    I also believe that either he or a friend of his possibly posted something on their social media that I am unaware of, since not only all of his friends blocked me, but some of my own friends, who never met my ex-friend, I’ve noticed that they are distancing themselves from me. I’m not sure how they would find those, but I believe that employers probably discovered those posts and probably decided not to offer me employment because they probably didn’t want to deal with any backlash or distractions.

    This incident has shattered both my family & life. My mother told me that my other extended family members are now pointing fingers at my aunt, some were disappointed at both me & some at my aunt. It shattered my life because I am now unable to find basically any sort of employment mostly because of the incident. I am running out of money myself. I am still trying to find jobs, I recently signed up for a job bank for college graduates.

    #394754
    Dude
    Participant

    Hello Anita, thanks for responding.

    I have obtained surveillance footage from that day, my aunt provided me a copy of it. There was another camera in the garage that day that I flipped over, but the camera caught the audio from that day, including the incident & our conversations. This is my 1st time ever viewing the footage since the incident.

    I have written the transcript in a Google document. I edited some of the lines in order to protect our identities. The transcript only contains the moments where I asked my friend to bounce on the yoga ball we were both sitting on. You can view it here.

    After viewing it for the 1st time, I’ve never been so disgusted at myself. I’m in tears, literally. No words can describe my disgusting behaviour I committed that day. I feel so ashamed & guilty at what I did to one of my closest friends. I feel like, I committed a crime. Had this footage been leaked, my entire life would be shattered. It would probably be enough evidence to sue me in court should my friend decide to do so!

    Never in my life have I been so desperate for forgiveness. To this day, he’s still mad about it (since he recently blocked me on an app we don’t use) & it’s been almost 6 months, the longest we’ve gone without talking to each other. I really do hope, one day he will forgive me for all of this, & resume the friendship. I don’t want him to carry this burden with my name on it, because that burden he’s carrying is my burden too!

    #394631
    Dude
    Participant

    Hello Anita, I have returned. Just want to give you a small update on this situation.

    It has now been nearly 6 months since the incident. I’m still blocked and no contact has been made to reach out to him.

    This morning, I noticed that I was blocked again on another social media app. We don’t use that app very often to communicate, & it was one of the last social media connections he hasn’t blocked me on. This shows me that he is still mad about what happened 6 months ago. He has no intention of resuming anything with me & is still maintaining his distance… at least for now.

    Adding insult to injury, about a month after the incident (October 2021), another friend of mine offered me a job at his work. About 3 hours into my 1st shift, my boss told me “You should have told us about the yoga ball incident. I cannot have you work here, because we don’t want to deal with potential backlash or any distractions.” I was then asked to leave the workplace. This was just a part-time job at my local mall. I’m aware I initially didn’t bring this up, because I didn’t think it was relevant to the topic.

    About another month after that job (November 2021), I applied for actual full time jobs. I’m a recent graduate from my local architecture school. I submitted resumes and my portfolio to many architectural firms in the downtown area, hoping I would get offered a job to one of them. I was offered an interview to one of the jobs I applied for, which I attended, & I had a great interview with the employer. About a week later, they called me back & told me that they couldn’t offer me employment due to “recent incidents”. About 5 other firms I applied for also denied me employment because of the same reasons, with a few mentioning the yoga ball incident, others just saying “recent events” or no apparent reason. The rest? No response, it’s been 3 months.

    I’m one of the few in my college friend group that doesn’t have a job yet after college.

    I was very shocked, confused & wondering how on earth could so many companies who have never even met or interacted with my ex-friend found out about this incident? I was never arrested or charged because of it, nor do I have a criminal record. I have not seen any public posts regarding the yoga ball incident (or I am unaware of one) but I do have a feeling that my ex-friend called me out on it somewhere, maybe on his social media?

    I told this story to another friend of mine who never met my ex-friend & she advised me to file a defamation lawsuit. After talking to a lawyer, he said I lack the evidence needed to do that.

    I also started to notice my other real-life friends who have never met my ex-friend (but some have mutual friends) are talking to me less often or even not at all. Unsure if it is because of the incident or they are just busy. I’ve reached out to a few of them, but none have responded, some are active on social media but not everyone is.

    This incident has basically shattered my reputation, & I feel that I ruined my own life, just by my pushy behaviour. I’m basically “cancelled”

    In terms of my cousins & aunt, I have not heard from them since they dropped off gifts. But they did try to drop off something at my house over this weekend.

    While I wait however long it takes for my ex-friend to at least forgive me, I’ve been trying to distract myself by hanging out with other people & making more friends of my own. But no one will ever fill the void my ex-friend left behind. Until he comes back, I’ll be doing that.

    #390251
    Dude
    Participant

    Anita,

    Thank you for your response.

    My mother and I were supposed to go back to my  aunt’s house to celebrate Christmas. My aunt was the one who invited us over. However, new COVID restrictions in my area prevented us from going back.

    During the summer, her restrictions were kind of extreme for me. My pharmacist cousin moved back in the house that time and she was allowed to interact with my uncle on weekends and days off. But I wasn’t allowed to go out pretty much at all, and if I wanted to see friends, I was only allowed to see my close friends inside her garage.

    In Summer 2021, I got fully vaccinated at the time. I thought I’d be allowed to go out and see my vaccinated friends again. However, my aunt kept her restrictions on me from last year. But then she did allow me to go for walks around my neighbourhood. So I admit I basically used that to go see my vaccinated friends, up until July when I got caught by my aunt.

    I apologized to her for stressing her out a lot during the pandemic. She forgave me. But we’ve still been distant from each other since. I haven’t spoken with her since we moved out, but she still comes to my new apartment here and there to drop things off. I believe my aunt, uncle and cousins, like my friend, could still be reeling from the September incident. So it could be several months until we can go back to the way we were.

    In regards to my friend, I believe the same will happen. I decided to postpone the reaching out due to his other friend. I’ve deemed it too risky to reach out to him right now. Although 3 months is a long time, it can be too soon for him. I’ve done some serious damage to both my family’s relationship and my friendship with my friend. I’m not sure how long I’m going to wait, but I might try to reach out in April, when he graduates university. Or hopefully I run into him alone and we can work things out then. Whatever happens, I don’t care what does, as long as I’ll be friends with him again like before, I’ll be happy.

    My aunt came by today to drop off gifts. We wished each other a Merry Christmas, she was in a rush to go home. She came from the hospital so we didn’t hug. Understandable.

    Today, there was 9,571 new coronavirus cases in my area. Makes a lot of sense why our family gathering was postponed.

    #390221
    Dude
    Participant

    Apologies for the <span> stuff. I had to write this in a notepad so it would save properly.

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