Anita: My family owns the home we live in. I do not think we would be able to sell it right away, and finding a new place would take time.

He cannot afford to pay for anything (he’s currently looking for a job) and he would probably be homeless if he moved out.

He is not willing to leave her.

I wrote him a letter tonight and left it in his room to see when he comes home. I said I cannot do this anymore and even though I don’t want to I can’t keep holding onto hope that he will want to be with me again when he keeps seeing her, so I said please do not contact me and that I wish we could separate from one another but neither of us have the finances to do so.

I expect that he will be upset about the letter. Last time I asked for no contact he came home and cut himself. 🙁

I have asked him to consider couples therapy, and offered to pay for individual therapy for him too, but he won’t do it.

Bethany:
One thing that upsets him a lot is when he asked why I did those things (inappropriate conversations with others) I say I don’t know. And the answer is truthfully I don’t know, I don’t understand why I did those things. He said if I actually had a reason he would probably feel a little better about it.

He’s already told me why he cheated. He felt like I was not emotionally supportive. He wanted affection from me that I wasn’t giving him. He didn’t feel like I loved him.

I cannot force him to get help. I’ve offered to pay for therapy for him but he refuses to go. He usually blames me when he cuts himself and says it’s my fault…

I really don’t know what to do anymore but we can’t keep going on like this.

Thank you both for your input.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by Soupy.
• This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by Soupy.
• This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by Soupy.