Hi Whelan.

Please know that you are not alone. I was in a relationship that was EXACTLY like yours only a little over a month ago. The similarities between the men we’ve been with is uncanny.

He and I lived together for 9 months. In those 9 months, he had broken up with me and taken me back 5 times. Then, he’d come around and tell me he still wanted to be together. He would be sweet, caring, attentive… for about a week. Then it was back to his old ways(this is manipulation).

It’s a chemical addiction to this person. Unfortunately, toxic relationships give our brains highs and lows, and we get addicted to it. We crave the person we fell inlove with, and they give us little morsels of affection to keep us hooked, to keep us thinking that we can go back to the love we once had.

He was and still is suffering from addiction. He had cheated, gas lighted, manipulated and stone walled me constantly. His level of anger was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. It was only when I moved out, did all the truth start coming to light.

We’ve been broken up for a month and a half. I initiated no contact almost a month ago and we have not spoken. And let me tell you, the CLARITY that has come from cutting the cord with him has been so beneficial to my life. I know that the path I am taking now is uncomfortable, but it’s the path meant to be. I know this is so fresh for you, the first few days are so hard. But please know that being away from him, you are going to start becoming so clear on who this person really is. It’s hard to do that, impossible even, when we still engage with them and stay connected. Unfortunately these people are masters at mind games, games that are hard for us to even see happening, and can pull on our sympathy and guilt to get what they want.

Stay strong, and know that you deserve a relationship where you can speak and express yourself without fear of being abandoned.