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  • December 28, 2025 at 11:57 pm #453490
    Squiggly pop
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    Hi Anita,

    I would love to have that 1 on 1 connection, and it is so rare for me to find. Don’t get me wrong, i love my friends and they are all here for me whenever i reach out to them, but i struggle to find my peace within the city. I think what i had with the guy was a complete ease and (clearly holiday romance, and clearly holiday mode) i felt no pressure and i can just be by myself. In this city i feel stressed all the time, micro stresses etc adds up. I have a lot of ways to decompress but every day is stress on top of stress, i wish i can be like those expats/ transplants to my city where they clearly are enjoying living, whereas i feel like i am just worrying and struggling (mentally, and probably financially) to live constantly.

    December 28, 2025 at 11:53 pm #453489
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    Hi Alessa,

    thanks again for replying! I wasn’t supposed to come back, and i didn’t want to, Covid changed my life plans and i think with that ex we were talking about marraige, moving in together and we had life plans, and because of covid a lot of things changed and i was left to figure out what to do. I still want to leave, but now i have the pressure of aging parents (who are already majorly hinting that we would be looking after them) and my type of job is not as easy to find in other countries (unlike medicine etc.) I dreamt of to be honest, not being in my current home city when i retired and i don’t see myself to be honest having a family here due to very high cost of living and extreme pressure to succeed in societies. I love my friends and this city is my home, but i don’t feel comfortable in it – so much so that i look for places to “escape” to whenever i have long holidays, as if i just don’t want to even be here.

    December 28, 2025 at 2:20 am #453442
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    Dear Anita,

    Thank you too for taking the time to reply me – i really appreciate it!
    I guess I just feel sad that something like that could never develop, and i know full well we all have flaws and not perfect human, but i haven’t even got the chance to experience that and it was shut down already. I was fully prepared to go through all of this again and as you have suggested already, all real vulnearble relationships that would have to go through.

    i want to exit this narrative. i want to just be free and enjoy life and honestly i feel like if we have dated and i find out we are a terrible match, i would have felt better and would be able to close the book and move on, rather than living in this limbo that is what i have created in my head. And this limbo in my head i had us reconnecting even years later or them changing their mind and wanting me…

    The fact that they are always friendly when i reach out, and even when i mentioned i will visit their country they mentioned they will help me look at tickets etc, sometimes checking in on me, allowed myself to create false hope and impression. i wish i can be that cool person where we can share little harmless flirting between each other and never pick up those feelings, but at the same time i feel like these feelings are real…and i couldn’t even remember if it hurt as much when i broke up with my ex then ( maybe i was surpressing my emotions)

    thanks again for listening and allowing me to have this space to vent
    Squiggly pop

    December 28, 2025 at 2:11 am #453441
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    Dear Alessa,

    Thanks for your kind response! I think you are right, there is definitely longing there, and i been feeling more and more so especially this year. I attended several celebratory events and just seeing couples together just reminds me how…i guess lonely i felt. i know i don’t need to feel lonely, caus i have strong supporting network of friends (many of whom are already in stable long term relationships for years) whom i can rely on if i feel lonely, but i don’t think they understand how i feel really. Of course i am happy for them and i will always root for them, but i can’t help but think where is that person for me?

    In terms of dating at home, it’s another very good question you have raised and i actually discussed with my therapist. and there might be something related to the fact i feel discontent with my own home city and at the back of my mind i want to be away from this place. (Covid changed my life plans and somehow i am here again).

    Thinking back to what they and i shared was definitely an escapist fantasy to stressful/ unsavourful moments in my life. and some how i still want to stay connect with this person, because partly i am terrified of losing this precious connection, partly because of something else i am not too sure about. I see his updates and i wanted to reach out (i know they will always reply me, but whats the point?)

    sorry about this rant, thanks again for listening, i really appreciate it.

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