Yo Jen. Man believe me, I am in the exact same place as you. I was once really happy, I was really wise, I knew how to deal with life, I knew the truth. Then I go to college and I start to care what others think of me, this is a gradual process. And slowly, I begin to be afraid and I start losing faith in what I knew was the truth, I felt like I had to become one of them for me to feel accepted. That’s not true. I know what you’re going through because I’m going through the same thing. I question if there is any truth at all in this life.I’ve lost faith in myself, I’ve lost faith in god, I just tell myself, “it’s his fault that I’m suffering this way, he can’t help me.” I know you feel like you want to give up and just sit in your bed forever hiding away from the world. That’s everyday for me. But look at it this way. It’s been maybe an hour I’ve been reading on tinybuddah. I read the fun an inspiring page. And I think to myself, how come all these people know what the truth is, but I don’t? How come I believe in nothing and they know better than me, that’s not right. They must know something that I don’t. I know what it feels like to be tired of trying, of saying “it’s gonna be better,” or “look on the bright side.” Let me tell you something. You got to question everything in your life, and really think of what your life is and what you are doing. Telling myself everyday “My life is great” doesn’t mean anything because I don’t believe it. I’m telling myself something that I don’t believe, someone else told me my life is great, but i didn’t think about it. I didn’t question it. I didn’t understand it. I just don’t believe it. That’s what is it. Telling yourself something over and over something you don’t believe won’t help. Look for the truth in your life. Not just in your life, look for the ultimate truth. The truth in all things. To me, of course there are many perspectives to viewing life. And some say none are right, but you know what I say, they are right. Looking at the world through a lens of Lose IS ultimate truth. My friend. Read on this website a lot. I read the fun and inspirational section. And just look at all the things it says. Question it. Question everything in your life until you understand it. I looked at the inspirational section, and I couldn’t believe that other people knew more than me. See, in my situation, I’m living in the past where I tell myself I knew everything, and my dad keeps telling me I’m better than everyone else. Now if you’re in that never ending circle, you can’t get out. Because if you listen to what others say to you, you can’t make your own opinion. And you can’t find the truth.

So, what can you do? Well it’s easy if you have someone to talk to, if you have a best friend that knows you like a book, you can always talk to get and they can give you feedback, while you get some time to release. But if you’re like me, with no friends. You have to develop your own coping mechanisms.

So I read this, read it. http://thoughtcatalog.com/ryan-oconnell/2012/10/how-to-live-alone-for-the-first-time/

Ok so. For me. Reading those articiles about how much people have grown. I mean. How can they know something, yet I can’t really understand that. That doesn’t make any sense to me. It must be true, since they know it. I need to know what they know. How can what they know, be easy to them. Since they know it. It must be no big deal. Just normal. And since there is ultimate truth, what they know is just the first step of True wisdom, which is next to God like. God like is the point where you are a saint, you let go of your self, and you become one with god, you don’t have a personality anymore. To reach that point. That would be the finish line. One with God, one with everything, it’s all the same, just another way of looking at it. I mean, I figure my own life on my own, I don’t need anybody.

OK so. Maybe one step is to not let yourself give up. To have some sort of willpower, that you Want to have. Not because you think you’re supposed to have it. Yea, but I know when you’re feeling really down, you just don’t want to do anything. And all you can see is just right infront of you. I know, I know. Baby steps. It helps if you love yourself.

Ok so I thought a little bit. What helps if you think about the world and try to understand it. For that you need some kind of independence. You can block out everyone and say to yourself, I’m right. Everyone else is wrong. For me, I don’t think I was initially “strong” enough to do that. Maybe I was the way I was because I grew up in a good environment. Not a crazy, fear one. If that’s the case, just engulf yourself in this environment and tell yourself that this place is the truth. That’s why it worked so well with me when I read it and I realized that I don’t know anything. That there was something in the world that I’m not understanding, but it’s there anyway.

Anyway, so all changes have to come from you, no one can change your mind but yourself. You have to deal with your problems and your emotions. I’m just talking about myself, I don’t know if this is how you feel. But this is how I feel. So think about it, and if you think I’m wrong, then just don’t listen to me. If you think I’m right, then that’s cool. Just think about what’s right and wrong in your life.

Yea so every bit I’m just reading what you wrote again, Yea I know. I’m really confused too. See when you can’t make up your mind about things and you lose sight of the truth, you become confused on what’s right and wrong and what to do. That happens, but what you got to do Is KNOW what to do, and you can only do that if what you decide on is what you want to believe.

Yea but if you got someone you can talk to, you don’t need any of this, it’ll be 50 times easier to say what you want to say, and then you’ll know exactly what to do, it won’t seem so confusing anymore.

I got it, you need a drive. So, for me, it was a drive for truth. A truth seeker. You just Need to know everything that’s right and what’s the truth about everything. Or you can just develop your willpower. Try something small and tell yourself, “I’m going to do that,” and you let Nothing get in your way, I mean nothing. Until you do it. And you do bigger and bigger things until you do everything like that. You don’t get sucked in by temptations and desires. And for fears. Well the only thing to fear is fear itself, because all fear does is stop you. What you got to do is just tell youself that you can’t allow yourself be be stopped by nothing. See, over the college, I began to be afraid of people. Yea, people. It’s dumb, because talking to people is supposed to be fun, like talking to yourself, you’re not supposed to care about what they will think of you, or how you will feel, you’re just supposed to be yourself, See that’s telling myself what I know, not what I believe. Yea, but whenever I’m doing something, I just remember all the times that I let myself down by being afraid, all my regrets, I remember them and say, I didn’t do this because I was afraid, and that was wrong. So now, everytime I’m afraid, I just do it anyway. And that’s better. That’s much better. At least now I’m dealing with my fear instead of running away from it.

Well email me at michaelfares6@yahoo.com if you wanna talk