Hi there

My first concern is not really this woman, but your fiancé. He doesn’t seem to trust you and you don’t seem to be able to communicate with each other openly. To me, a complete stranger, I don’t feel you’d have done that on purpose and then come on here asking for help. You clearly are stressed and I can’t, from my position, see any benefit to you putting your name on the package. So why is it that he can, why does he doubt you? If you made a mistake, after actually trying to help out your fiancé, that’s not your fault. He should trust you, and forgive you for making a human mistake.

It’s his ex who has a problem with you and all these negative things seem to be coming from her, if you say you’ve done nothing but try to be friends (maybe spend some time analysing how you’ve approached her and if there is a different way you could do this,.) I think, you have to be understanding that it’s very difficult for her – maybe she still has feelings for him or just is unhappy their unit is broken up. She maybe can’t cope with those feelings and therefore is projecting everything onto you. So having empathy for her position may help you understand why she is acting in such a way.

If she were a friend, I’d say you could try to reach out and be there for her but if you try, and she won’t accept, and she is still nothing but a negative force in your life, it may be time to walk away. However she’s obviously not a friend, and if you are with your fiancé she has to be in your life to some degree, you can’t walk away. It isn’t ‘weird’ to fear someone you’ve never met, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay. You shouldn’t be worried about her taking it out on the baby or your fiancé.

So then here is what I feel is the real problem:

If your fiancé thinks you did that on purpose – does he really know and get you? If he thinks you’re capable of something really quite malicious when you’re not like that, it puts up a real warning flag for me. In addition, he doesn’t seem to be aware of his ex’s personality or how she’s treating you, or her clearly huge effect on you. If she calls and says horrible things he shouldn’t tolerate that, he should see she’s being malicious and that you’ve reached out and she’s rejected that – he should be the one to take responsibility for this situation since his ex is clearly not in a good place, you have no control over that, but it’s affecting your life so much.

I also find it hard to believe that you were up all night crying and trying to intercept the package while he went to sleep and now you’re worrying about whether or not his hug was a sign of forgiveness. That’s another flag to me. Does he have your best interests at heart? I don’t know you, and it makes me really sad you’ve been so distressed and are clearly in so much turmoil. I want to give you a hug! It doesn’t feel ok to me. So why isn’t your soon to be husband feeling not just the same as me, but even more concern towards you since he should love and know you, and plans to marry you and spend his entire life with you.

There is obviously SO much that a little paragraph on some website misses out about your life, and I am not suggesting you do anything, at all. I’m just saying as an outsider, I feel like your focus is in the wrong place (on his ex, not on your fiancé) and that there are quite a lot of things you’ve said or suggested that really bother me (how your fiancé has dealt with the situation with his ex and how he has treated and judged you.) So maybe as soon as you can you should go out, get a breather from all that’s going on, spend some time alone and just think – assess your life: your relationship with him in general, if you are usually very happy and this is just a blip or if he treats you without compassion, respect and love more often/ in other ways maybe you haven’t noticed, whether you could talk to him and let him see your perspective and feelings and whether he’d be receptive to that. Ask yourself why you’re with him and whether it’s a good thing. He is not irreplaceable, and if he doesn’t make your life a better, happier and more stress-free experience, why waste your life with him enduring suffering when there is someone else alive who would give all those good things to you. (I’m not suggesting he is a bad person, I’m suggesting you think about everything as honestly and deeply as you can.)

This is your life. Remember that. Anything that comes up in your mind that pulls you back from making a big change or decision (such as to leave him) because you ‘can’t’ or ‘shouldn’t’ is not real. What people think or money or any of those issues are not real, they are all fixable and they all change. Your happiness is the only thing that matters, so just ask yourself if he has your happiness at heart. If he doesn’t now, will he in 50 years?

I wish you all the best and I’m so sorry you’ve had this stressful experience, I will think of you and know you can always reach out.

X