Hi Chelcie.  I actually just registered today so I could reply to you.  I went through exactly what you described, but had absolutely no one to turn to when I walked away from Christianity for the last time.   That all happened to me 25+ years ago.  At the time, I was a bit older than you are.

Based on my experience, I don’t think going back to church will help you feel better.  It might make you feel worse.  I tried that, actually, and people treated me horribly after I came back.  How dare I question anything?

I lost the people who claimed to be “friends” and, for the most part, my family shunned me.  It was tough to feel so alone, but I had to be true to myself.  After I got healthy, I realized they never were really my friends, anyway.  Family still keeps me at arm’s length, but that sting dissipated, too.

The churches I was involved with all used guilt and shame to control people.  When I finally decided that I wasn’t going to be guilted or shamed, I had control of the situation.  I had nothing to feel guilty about and did nothing to be ashamed of.  I was simply being true to who I am.  Perhaps ironically, that is the truth that set me free.  The process did take a few years, though.

By suggestion is, be true to who you are, and be very kind to yourself while you work through this.