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Susan Suehr

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  • November 3, 2014 at 12:57 pm #67262
    Susan Suehr
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    blm,

    I really like what Kim wrote to you about all of us being on the same journey. So true that is. We all are here trying to figure out the truth about ourselves.

    It really does seem as though you are as critical on yourself as you are on others. I think that whenever we see something dark inside us, we tend to focus on that as opposed to the light side of the same coin. The light side of that coin you describe is the wise discerning person. That is also the more true of who you really are.

    It isn’t easy being able to manage disappointments from others, when they don’t live up to our standards. I have found the way out is about looking at myself first. What does that disappointment say about the kind of world I want to create? My ideal. My dreams get revealed to me that way. So maybe when someone does not meet your expectations, you could focus on any lost, stolen or unmet dreams that can be revealed. I find these are usually at the heart of anger toward others when they don’t meet my expectations.

    My husband and I are so different and we do things so differently. We could drive each other crazy if that was our choice. Instead we accept each other and our ways as expressions of uniqueness that brought us together. We still get frustrated in the moment, but when we take the time to step back and accept ours self and then the other, it is those very differences that spark so many creations and dreams for us.

    I know you asked for some spiritual advice without religion, so here goes. We are all born with unique strengths, powers and talents. Yes we are all different and what we choose to focus on and how we choose to view those differences can make a huge difference in finding peacefulness with each other, in my opinion. You are on a real adventurous journey to be celebrated. You have the strength, power and talent to handle this. You are here to do that very thing and when you decide to go to the other side of the physucal, you will celebrate how well you did it.

    Susan Suehr

    November 3, 2014 at 12:31 pm #67261
    Susan Suehr
    Participant

    Hi There Sandy,

    I have to agree with what the others have suggested about taking the focus off needing to feel happiness for your ex. I think what you are really wanting is your own happiness, and when you see your ex with another, that reminds you of what your lost happiness. I have found this way to get happiness within myself. Step 1 Whenever you are thinking about not such happy thoughts about another, what thoughts are evoked in you when you are feeling more negative emotions. Step 2 Then recognize them as non-truths & Step 3 tell yourself the real truth.

    As example, Step 1 whenever I think of someone who hurt me, I have not only negative thoughts about them, but I have thoughts of how I redefined myself because of that hurt. I tell myself that I am a fool because I let myself be hurt by them. I tell myself I was stupid. I tell myself that I must have dome something to deserve being hurt. I also have conflicting thoughts as well. I tell myself that I am better than them & I deserve better. I tell myself because I’m better that they will get theirs.

    Mostly my negative thoughts about them are my way of not dealing with my own emotions and negative thoughts about me. So as I pay attention to my feelings so I can figure out my thoughts, I am further ahead. It is hard to change feelings because they are reactions to our thoughts. What we can change is our thoughts and that is where the power is.

    Step 2, I tell myself that these thoughts are just ego thoughts and are lies. No one is a fool. No one is stupid. No one deserves to be hurt. I’m not better than or deserve to succeed at the expense of another’s success. I really take the time to let in that these are not true at all. Sometimes I have to ask for help from a Higher Power than me to help know that these are not true.

    Step 3 Yes,I’m not always prepared with life and I can act foolish or stupidly, but that doesn’t make me those qualities. No one is better than anyone else or deserves to fail at having their hearts desires. I tell my self the truth of this and let that in. I also tell myself that I prefer to BE a happy person, so I can start to have experiences of a happy person. The being comes before the experience.

    Then shortly thereafter I experience a happiness well up inside me. Sometimes it is like tiny bubbles bubbling up and I just feel this sense of peace. Other times it is like a huge wave of happiness washing over me, that suddenly becomes a wonderful feeling of exuberant joy.

    Maybe you could try my way and see if it helps.

    Susan Suehr

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