Hi Paula
Your husband is an adult, and needs to take responsibility for his actions. Clearly, he is unable to do this, which is why he is taking it out on you. He must be in a pretty bad place, mentally and emotionally, and maybe he finds his thoughts and feelings difficult to deal with on his own, but the bottom line is, he must. However much you feel for him, you know he has to work it out for himself. Sadly, some men never do (and women). They carry the anger and the hurt around with them forever, repeating the same mistakes in future relationships.
If he wants to continue a relationship with you, and you feel the same, then tell him he needs to get professional help, and that you will support him (that’s if you want to!).
If he does not want to continue in a relationship with you, then I would suggest you take a step back, keep your distance, and maybe think about the divorce at a time when you are not feeling so emotionally close to it all.
If he was an active alcoholic at the beginning, then this tells you he had some serious problems, which unfortunately you would never be able to resolve for him, not with all the love and care in the world. I suspect he had become dependent on you, and now feels very insecure and is acting like the frightened child. It is tough, because the more you see him suffer, the more you want to help him. I think, in your heart, you know what is right, it’s just that you need the confidence to do it.
All the best.x