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December 30, 2019 at 2:01 am #330189LolaParticipant
Hi Anita,
Thank you .
It’s been a rather painful year and I’m looking forward to kissing it goodbye.
How do I start to heal ? How do I get well again , if I ever was to begin with ? I feel like I need to rush to feel better soon as these emotions and the pain overwhelm me but I know it’s a process I need to go through in order to come out the other side .
Any advice on how to help myself would be most welcome .
Thank you
Lola
December 29, 2019 at 12:23 pm #330101LolaParticipantHi Anita,
You are right . We’re both ill and need to heal and I can’t do it if I’m with him . It’s a tragedy as we started out wanting to be the best we could be for each other and ended up tearing each other apart .
Valora, I forgive him and I am slowly beginning to forgive myself .
I don’t think I’ll send an email as I started it bit it got too long . I will just text him a few words…maybe something like . Thank you I’m sorry goodbye I forgive you .
Thank you all for your kind and honest replies, I truly appreciate it.
Lola
December 29, 2019 at 10:19 am #330091LolaParticipantHi Valora,
Thank you too for your reply.
Yes, I understand how he feels, how conflicting his emotions are . I understand the turmoil that has been going on inside of him and now my mind is clear I can see so much better and I have been patient when he’s pushed me away and pulled me back because I understand as I have been there .
I am ashamed to put someone in the position I was in . It was destructive and unhealthy and maybe I dug my own grave in making him turn to someone else .
Then he is a grown man, responsible for his decisions and should I blame myself ? I asked for honesty. I said I know things haven’t been great and if he’s seeing or talking to someone just please tell me . He’d get angry say I don’t trust him and that I was questioning his integrity . If I assumed he’d say he hate my assumptions, if I asked questions he’d say he hates my thousand questions.
I hurt .
Lola
December 29, 2019 at 10:06 am #330083LolaParticipantHi Anita,
Thank you so much for your advice . Thoughts of leaving it all behind me has be plaguing my mind these past few weeks .
Should I just disappear ? Send an email ? I’m scared I think to let go fully . One part of me thinks … we’ve been through so much the other hand I think well so much is enough . He hurt me I hurt him he hurt me and on and on it goes .
Thank you
SW
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