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Oh my goodness… I’m so sorry for your loss 🙁
I think paxil is very dangerous to people under 25? Be careful! Especially if you have thoughts of suicide stop the paxil immediately! That is very scary stuff.
I really love this thread! Thanks everyone! OP – I think the adventure your mind and thoughts take is wonderful! It looks like your thought adventure brings out the best in other people’s adventures too. I hope to hear more from all of you. This was fun.June 21, 2014 at 3:23 pm in reply to: Going With the Flow vs. Fighting for What You Want #59321
🙂 Hi 🙂
Yes – I have sometimes termed things “catastrophic” when in fact my woes are merely “privileged problems”, “minor inconveniences” or “uncomfortable”. It’s not like I lost my legs, or am facing a cancer outlook of 5% recovery, or loosing both my children in a car crash or famine or homelessness etc…
My thoughts are not me.
They will attack me though. They will be relentless. They will use language that paralyzes me in fear or leaves my heart racing or contributes to the shininess of my nail clipper. (I used to chew my nails)
I get to be in charge of me though right? No one else is. I can take that assault or onslaught it (my thoughts) presents, and say ‘thank you – that was a little harsh – lets try again’. I get to over ride my self talk if I am aware that my thoughts are not me – they are not my feelings – and they are not in charge.
Peace and joy are not attained through ‘things’ or ‘titles’ or ‘stuff’. I sometimes think “If only (insert thing or event) THEN I would be happy”. But no… that external stuff never suffices for long… soon I am empty and starving for more titles, or more stuff, or better hair, or a bigger shinier vehicle… 🙁 I have crammed a LOT of stuff to fill that ‘void’ – and I’m still left me myself and I where ever I go, what ever I call myself – whatever I pull up in – and no matter how big my hair is 🙂 hehe.
I appreciate this thread guys – lots of wisdom thanks 🙂
Hi Bruce 🙂
A little saying that helps me is “what others think of you is none of your business”.
I find that when I steal peace from myself through ego driven self talk, I am merely trying to convince myself of my own lies. The tricky thing about my ego which essentially states I am better or worse than others instead of the truth which is ‘we are all equals’ is it uses my own best thinking, my charm and charisma, my whit and intelligence against me! It will do anything to tell me I’m better or worse, and it’s a check mate until I can reach out and release the emotions to my human family.
Once I do that, and offer up a surrender as in “I just can’t win – HELP” I get to hear other people’s thoughts and ANYTHING that offers me a bit of relief from my own thinking which can pin me against the wall and keep me stuck there is such RELIEF!
So the only relief I have to offer you dear, is that we ARE actually all equals. All the thoughts that are playing that tape in your mind that tell you otherwise, and want you to TAKE time from you NOW by going over and over something past… are just little thieves. Shew them away!
Once I get down to the nitty gritty… and think I’m resting on the beautiful boat of equality… more sneaky little bastard thoughts will pry and say “well… what about Hitler? Are you equal to HIM? Well? ARE YOU?” And my ego wants to scream NO! NO! It can’t be! I am BETTER THAN HIM!
But the truth remains constant – and it does eventually provide relief if I LET IT: I am equal to all the Earths Consciousness.
When Hitler was 3 yr old boy – he didn’t wish to grow up and be a mass murderer! Something went terribly wrong for that poor boy, and it’s sad. And I don’t feel it’s his “last life” – or all the people he’s killed. When I think about babies still born and terrible crap like that… I just gotta grab onto some eternal source of love that we’re heading toward, and it doesn’t have to be ‘all done’ here in this life time. Maybe we get a bunch of them? No one knows for sure right? So can’t we just believe what feels peaceful?
I’m not trying to convince you of any sort of religion or otherwise – because I don’t claim any sort of descriptive or label or delusion. For me – I just gotta go with all souls start as love and end as love and the mess in between… well… it’s all part of getting from start to finish, but we all end up back in one universal love and know peace eventually. In this way – I get to feel equal – I get to feel peaceful – I get to feel like I have a purpose, which can simply be finding my purpose right now – and I don’t have to figure anything out past or future – better or worse – right or wrong, I can just relax with who I am and what I am as what it needs to be on the path we’re all on.
So if the paths are all parallel – then you and I were supposed to have this encounter and that’s cool! I enjoyed it. I love not thinking like me for a bit – and you helped me with that. Thanks! 🙂
Well said – I agree completely (today) hehe.
(Rumi – if I got to know YOU… I would then read YOUR book) 😉
Hello Rumi –
I have not read any books on spirituality – self help – or (gasp Buddhism… woops, did I just disclose that I am here on a whim and a hope lol). I do read books for ACA’s – children of dysfunction and participate in a group for support with that.
Most of the books I enjoy are either science fiction or books about people’s adventures living in nature – such as Jane Goodall’s books.
I appreciate your tip – though, I am sometimes reluctant to read other people’s ‘versions’ of spirituality or enlightenment etc – as I am trying to define myself and my own beliefs – I am not inclined to be swayed by ‘others’ and do not want to put myself in that position.
I prefer to ‘learn’ or be guided by people that I actually know – like you… now.
Thanks for being here 🙂
My trust issues are a direct result of my own level of trust for myself.
Can I trust myself to accept that today I made a choice to be with this person and then act like it?
Or will I traumatize myself with my thoughts and feelings of mistrust that are directly related to my own past.
Today is a new day. Everyone has a clean slate. Bringing past or present thoughts into our now is the act of stealing serenity from ourselves IMO.
Trust begins with me. If I behave in ways that allow me to trust myself, mind – body – soul, I will not obsess on ‘if’ I can trust others so much. My happiness and contentment with myself will be enough – having a relationship is the cherry on top the cake – but I provide my peace, happiness and serenity by behaving in ways that contribute to those things.
For me this wasn’t easy. There were a lot of choices I made that were out of the ordinary for me when I started on a spiritual path. One was exactly related to this topic. Trusting my husband. As far as I knew (for sure) he was trustworthy. I was sabotaging our relationship with my jabs toward his trustworthiness – and ultimately it was all in my head. I needed to see the thoughts come, and let them pass – not follow the thought trail. Especially not act on it. This took practice – I was compelled to do things like check his phone or email and ask questions which were directly related to the negativity of my obsession.
It was simply that – an obsession. A way to distract me from me – and all of the feelings I had around my own untrustworthy past. I worked toward resolving those personal issues. I rooted out some of the reasons why I continually betrayed myself in life. Why I acted in ways that did not allow me to trust myself. For one, I was brought up believing I was fairly worthless – so as a result, I did not honor the being that I am. I did not find myself worthy of decent behavior.
The changes started with me. I had to discover my own set of morals and values, and then live up to them for my own sake – not for others. I had to prove to me that I could trust me to behave in those ways so I could begin to feel some self esteem and self worth. When I continually showed up for myself emotionally and spiritually, and started living a more spiritual and principle based life, I began trusting myself to not harm me emotionally.
Beyond that, I realized that trusting others was not so important. I didn’t need anyone to prove anything to me… if they were trustworthy or not no longer affected me so acutely… as I was already providing for myself through self love and growth. If they behaved ‘badly’ or not trustworthy or whatever… I didn’t take it personally. It wasn’t about me – just like my own issues were never about external things or people. They were about me. Nothing people did was AT me – and it didn’t/doesn’t DEFINE me as worthy of love or someone being committed to me etc. I already know that I am those things… because I act like it… like myself… and trust myself.
Ironically – my obsessions in all forms have ceased to exist as I got more in tune with my true nature which was to be kind, loving, honest, trustworthy, compassionate, passionate etc etc.
I no longer shop, eat, drink or clean impulsively – chew my nails or obsess about my husband or other people ‘misdoings’ to me. I focus on my life and my self and what I can do to make it peaceful.
I try to stay in the moment, focus on things that will bring out the best in me and others… and leave the results of all my efforts up to the Universe. By accepting things as they are, and myself as I am as I grow – I find peace and joy in being alive.
Best wishes on your journey
I loved the books for adult children. It helps me to participate in a forum for others who grew up with the ACA rule ‘don’t talk, don’t feel’. If you identify with this, you might seek additional help from a meeting for adult children, where you can find a person to guide you through the process of working through your childhood – they are sometimes called ‘fellow travelers’ in the groups and meetings and forums. I participate in the MIP ACA forum and love it. I also LOVE this forum so far!
Best wishes on your journey! xxox
Self sabotage is pretty prevalent with people that had the rug pulled out from under them often as a child. For me, every time my parents ‘got back together and things were looking normal’ all of a sudden we were packing our bags in the middle of the night again – or dad was walking down the sidewalk with a suit case. It sucked. Soon I was sort of addicted to the choas and excitement of it all – and felt numb when things were normal and boring and needed to spice things up with self sabotage. Beyond that, I had no idea how to just ‘be’. I needed a distraction from myself and alcohol provided that – among other things of course, that was just one of the many ways I distracted me from me and stirred up some familiar chaos.
I also had to live in a state of denial about how bad my childhood actually was in order to not just wander off from my parents – I couldn’t of course, I needed them to survive – so I became this person who constantly had to believe my own lies in order to survive. Over time, this bleed into every area of my life and soon it was all just a lie that I could not distinguish from the truth with out help. I grew up in a dysfunctional family, got some books on ACA (adult children of dysfunction) and started working on my stuff. I learned that it didn’t mean I was an adult in a child’s body – but rather – that I was an adult who met the challenges of life with survival skills learned as a child.
Surviving my childhood was rough. Alcohol was a band aide that really hurt cuz it came ripping off every morning – never worked.
So I feel ya –
Hello Chelsea, this is my first post here… so let me take this opportunity to welcome myself by welcoming you to my world. I am so glad you’re here. It is an honor to share a moment in time with you, my sister today. Looking toward a healthy solution is exactly why I fell into this forum. On my spiritual journey… I found that I was doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. Something I’ve intellectually known to be the silly endeavor of insanity for quite some time… but apparently did not know the depths of my own life experiences playing out the epitome of this crazy making! I am here to embrace the fact that I have been walking into a wall for some time now, and expecting it to be warm hug. Nope – it’s just a brick wall… hard… scratchy… and standing firm and cold.
I find hope in the posts above, that I am finally in the right place… and that I can tear down my walls. They are only imagined anyway I suppose… just a story I am telling myself.
Looking at it with humility, I see that I was finding myself in a desperately lonely place and angry that the wall couldn’t be what I wanted it to be. I plan to accept that being angry is a protective emotion, and while it served it’s purpose to help me survive up to this point – it is no longer needed, and I can release that survival skill into the Universe today – and let it go.
Allowing myself to feel it, grieve what ‘could have been’ and feel all the emotions that come with grief, I can recognize that anger is only part of the whole. I am also sad, would love to believe things are different than they are, would certainly pay to have this feeling taken away… and all the other things that come with the stages of grief. I can accept that if I am to move on to the final stages of forgiveness and acceptance, I must allow myself to feel what I do, release the energy with a thank you for the help – and allow myself to let it all go in acceptance for what is. The Universe does have everything, and everyone as it needs to be. While it can be maddening or sad – accepting that truth is the only path to freedom for me. I wish everything could be perfect, but then again, I would not appreciate the feelings of freedom, peace and joy if it were.
I do not get to be in charge today – and the sooner I can release my importance to the whole – the sooner I can relax and let the peace and true me flow.
I hope to hear more from your journey xoxoxoxxo,