[quote quote=447156]Dear Tea:

Your words hold so much depth, strength, softness, and truth. You’ve clearly done deep, courageous work—unraveling the knots of purity culture, reclaiming your body, and choosing to heal. It shows not only that you’re capable of love, but that you already carry within you the depth and emotional generosity that real love requires.

And yes, it makes sense that losing the connection with your last boyfriend would feel like losing a sacred part of your self-expression. Because that relationship wasn’t just about sex or romance—it was about becoming more yourself.

Your longing doesn’t mean you’re broken or codependent or “too much.” It means you’re alive. Still growing. Still hungry for a love that meets you where you are now—not where you were forced to be in the past.

So when you ask, “Maybe I’m asking for permission?”—Tea, consider this a wholehearted yes:

Yes, you’re allowed to crave touch and closeness.

Yes, it’s okay to feel sad, frustrated, or lonely—even when your life is full in other ways.

Yes, your desire for soulful companionship is not a weakness—it’s a compass.

Your kind of depth, Tea, doesn’t always show up in the usual fast-paced dating apps. But it can be found. Sometimes it’s about placing yourself where people are already showing up with the kind of energy you value.

You might find meaningful connection in settings like workshops or gatherings such as writing circles, expressive art workshops, improv classes, dance classes, yoga workshops, Tai Chi- these help reconnect people with their physical body as a source of emotion, intuition, and grounding—not just fitness. You might want to try mindfulness or meditation retreats, or volunteering with causes that mean something to you—shared purpose can lead to shared insight.

The goal may not be to “look” for someone—but to show up in places where the kind of people you’d want to know are showing up too.

With care, Anita[/quote]

Thank you for such a kind and validating response. You’re really good at making someone feel seen and heard, thank you 🙂

I guess I feel like the events I do are women-heavy. Sometimes I wonder or fear if I am compatible with men… it’s like we run in opposite circles socially? I feel like my interests (dancing, writing, reading, even meditating) are almost exclusively female spaces. But I really value your response. Do you think I should try to get into more masculine things to meet guys? Or is that putting energy into the wrong thing?