Anita,

This is exactly it. It’s what we’ve been talking about, me and him. I learned recently about a horrible relationship he had in college that essentially set him for the un-skills I bore the brunt of. This man in college was emotionally abusive to him and he thought the experience he was living was normal. It absolutely doesn’t excuse his behavior, but it gave me more context as to why this was something so deeply hidden. There was a lot of shame tied to it and he wanted to regain control by controlling what he could when he had a relapse. And that was cheating and chasing unattainable outlets that left him feeling worse. Tons of empathy for him, but my own feelings of betrayal and deceit come first.

Anita, Thank you for highlighting some key discussion points for me. To me this is such a complex situation and I’m trying to give all the words I can without being overbearing. To sum up his mother’s actions, I told her the moment I knew. I told his whole family so they would hold him accountable. They were extremely grateful I told them because he had been hiding it from them the entire time. In regards to his self esteem issues and additional struggles, I suspect his family was aware of these, but believed he turned a new leaf with me. According to them, he seemed different and even acted differently that he had in previous relationships, so there was no warning or discussion of his past behavior. This is why I say his mother no doubt knew he had issues, but thought they had been quelled.