Hi there,

I was reading a blog when I came across your post. I saw the topic and it seemed relatable to me, so I clicked in.

I can empathise how you are feeling right now, the hopelessness, grieve, and darkness everyday. I want you to know that this is TEMPORARY. I’m here to share my personal experience, hoping it could help you.

I had this man who loved me a lot, who told me I was his purpose in life, who told me I painted his life, who told me he had never love someone like he did to me. He was gentle, loving and caring. However, we fought a lot of times, he will rage each time he was triggered or felt insecure about something. And I reacted with tears all the time, I felt pain that why did he rage at me. This was a looping routine between the both of us. Until one day, we fought and he didn’t contacted me. I texted him after 10 days, for twice, with phone calls, he did not bother. After awhile, he started replying me, telling me what had I done wrong etc. I was hoping to patch back but it seems like he wants me to prove that I’m better. Later, I found out that he went on online dating sites and met a lot of different girls, he even brought one of them home and they were “close”, he even told me he had feelings for her.

I broke down, I lose all my self-worth, I couldn’t eat, sleep or even function throughout the day, I needed to stay alone because I would burst into tears at any point of time. I thought of killing myself, it was that dark and negative. It was so painful.

Until I found mindfulness, I started a course. To find out what is happening in myself, which is I’m lack of self-love and I’m holding on to my expectations about what things should be. I wasn’t willing to accept what is right now, I was struggling. And I was doubting myself, doubting the past and even blaming myself. Until I practice mindfulness everyday and self-affirmation that I am enough, I am complete with myself. I am able to see that what the other person do, is not because of me. It is because he may be lack of self-worth, he may be trying to boost his ego with girls out there. I started to grow compassion towards him as I grow compassion towards myself. Whenever i started crying, I would hold my heart and breath in and out, telling myself “I’m here for you”. It will past.

I do not struggle with the good memories back then, those memories are real and it is now in the past. I am now accepting what life is right now. Everything is temporary, there is no need to hold on to it and let life flow. It is easier said than done. But I want to tell you, I did it.

Know that, he was your highlight. You have so many different highlights that you haven’t met yet. You are already your highlight. By just living yourself, with contentment and gratefulness at heart. Now, it’s time to bring the focus to yourself, your well-being, your experience, your feelings, your thoughts, your emotions. Trust your journey.