I have been estranged from all my family for nearly three years.  It is very hard but  necessary.  It is hard when you realise that your Mum will die and your are estranged.  Sometimes too many hurtful, horrible events have happened and you cant ever go back to where you were.  When you feel like you cannot trust your own mother  then what is the point.    I have never had a good relationship with my mother I was always so angry with her.  My father apparently ran away when I was very small.   I was so ashamed and wondered why everyone had a dad but not me.  She also tried to poison me against my dad because she was hurt that he left her.  It was not true that he ran away.    I did try and build fences for my children’s sake but it was pointless.

I have kept this secret for so long and my father was never spoken about just as he did not even exist.   It is even harder to say you don’t speak to your whole family.  I now choose not to be angry or bitter.   If anyone has grown up without their father in their lives I would love to hear your experience.