Thanks much Anita. Sorry it has taken me a while to respond. I think you are right that I am the anxious type in my friendships.

Sometimes I feel that he cares for this friendship, sometimes I don’t feel that way. Yes, we used to share a lot of our most private thoughts and feelings when we were still in the same social circle. I don’t understand how not being in the social circle could change so much of our friendship. If it was me in his shoes, I feel that I would not have done that.

One good thing is we will finally catch up in person in a month (instead of two months). He said ok to my proposal of an earlier date, but proposed a 45-minute time window. I am not sure how to make sense of that. Last time when we caught up in person a month ago, we had chatted for over two hours – mostly just standing by the street but we were enjoying our time.

I think I just feel anxious and confused. I am also not fully sure if he is the avoidant type. For example, I’ve told him recently that I’m not feeling well and may not reach out for a while. When I did finally feel better and send a message, he sent me a long text message and said he was so glad to hear that. But when I reached out again a couple days later, his responses became much more formal and distant. I am just not sure where I stand sometimes and I want to know.

Most recently, I shared some work struggles with him, but got a long and formal response back which makes me feel that I am talking to a counselor instead of a friend. I am just not sure how to respond back to his long and formal message? Is this his way of asking me to back off?

Thanks Anita.  What you said all makes sense – the part about being an acquaintance and no longer a friend really hurts, but is perhaps the reality.

I responded and said that either works (one is two months away and one is three months away) but let’s wait till it’s closer to see how his schedule works.  I didn’t say I feel hurt but said I feel unbalanced and need some time to adjust.  He responded and said he understand and then said he would take down the catchup and will just follow up in two months to see where things at and that he hopes I find the balance.

I know it all sounds good and polite but I wanted to my friend back – the friend who would say more than that and talk to me.  Maybe I am too selfish and demanding too much of his attention.

But the fact that he said he is going to take down the catchup just makes me feel hurt again.

Maybe our attachment styles are not matching?