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April 19, 2020 at 7:45 am in reply to: Mistreated my ex boyfriend and feel horrible and terribly guilty #350490
TJTellerParticipantDear rainyhollow233:
My advice is to forgive yourself for being young and human. You are carrying a very heavy load called “the past.” Set it down. Reliving it over and over will not change it. You are not a bad person. You did some things that were not skillful and you realize that. You are wiser now.
In any relationship the “me” and the “mine” and the “you” and the “yours” have to yield to the “us.” When the space between two people, the “us” is not cared for, things fall apart.
From what you wrote, neither of the situations you describe were built around two people working on “us.” Again, this does not make you a bad person. Do not let what happened imprison you. I promise you I have done things very similar to what you describe. I would go back over the events and back over the events and every single time I relived the mess I’d made, I felt worse. For me, the only way out was to set all those thoughts down and forgive myself. I did that through meditation.
If you haven’t come across the Buddhist Society of Western Australia, you might check them out. The head monk, Ajahn Braham has a lot of youTube videos and his meditation instructions are the best I’ve come across.
You deserve to be happy, to be free of pain, and free of suffering.
TJ
TJTellerParticipantI feel your anger and frustration and how those emotions are shutting you in. Still, it sounds like your parents love you very much and are trying the best they know how to keep you safe and on a path to being a successful adult. True, the ways in which your parents try to keep you safe also keep you from being independent and learning from your own mistakes. You can keep going the way you are, which doesn’t sound very satisfying or healthy for you, or you can try something different which will be very hard.
What is your plan for your life and how to you plan to achieve it? What are the dreams your parents have for you and how are they trying to make them happen for you? Perhaps if you can think deeply about these two questions, journal about them, meditate on them, really explore the two different ideas, you can begin to understand your parents and better understand yourself. You can work on being the hero in your own story and stop being a victim.
When you feel grounded and confident, a next step might be to sit down with your parents and share with them what your plans and dreams are and at the same time ask your parents what their plans and dreams are for you. Listen to their words and feel their emotions just as you would like them to listen and feel for you.
Seek areas where you agree, imagine steps forward together. You can do this.
TJTellerParticipantSoimjay,
In my experience there are jobs where the people you work with or the purpose of the organization makes your heart sing. Your schooling gives you access to that. If the job interviews you go on do not touch your heart, keep looking. You may not feel that accounting feeds your soul but all organizations need accounting so find the organization that makes you giggle at the thought of getting to work there. You can start by researching organizations and when you identify the ones that speak to you, work on landing a job there.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 