Hi Csaba,
I feel your dilemma. I also had a similar problem for many years. After years of turmoil and strife, I finally realized that I was actually looking for mates that would be dependent on me. I had a self-esteem problem and I used these unfortunate souls (subconsciously) in order to feel superior. This was very selfish and malicious behavior on my part. Thank God I was able to acknowledge my problem and eventually rectified it. Let’s hope you can do the same.