Hi kitsune, I think this is a great conversation you have started here.
I am at place in my life where I’m really not sure what to pursue. However I have been playing piano and heavily involved in many musical activities for the last 10 years of my life. So since I am unsure of what to do, I have chosen piano performance as my main focus for the moment. I am attempting to put together a concert program for an international competition which takes immense amounts of demanding, monotonous, frustrating practice time.

Creative pursuits are so wonderful. I definitely understand what you mean when you say writing is therapeutic. I think creating allows us to open up the most raw parts of ourselves and make something out of it, all the while evolving personally and intellectually. But of course, like most creatives, productivity is sometimes a big obstacle. I know that there will be times when I am able to learn and emotionally grasp a piece so well, as if the music is literally a part of me. While at other times, I have to spend 6 months of gruelling work just to be able to play one page of a 60 page piece. These are the types of things that make me lose interest and motivation. Then of course I begin to think “There are so many other pianists and musicians in the world, far more talented than I, who could grasp this material in no time. And here I am, barely able to make sense of it.” And so the external comparisons begin. But then I regain perspective after a while and realize that I play music for myself – not to have to prove to people that I am better than them, or because there are people who excel faster than me. Something I find that helps greatly when you’re feeling low is to look back on your past self – 1 month, 1 year, 5 years, however long ago, and observe all of the growth that you have achieved since then. And in the end, I know that however difficult it may be to be an artist, it would hurt so much more not to be one. Regardless of whether or not I actually end up doing an international competition or not, music has taught me so much about patience and battling through hardships. I know that I now have much more endurance when it comes to projects that do not unfold quickly.

As for how I fit in around my life, I have luckily earned enough certification to become a piano teacher. So I teach during the evenings and practice anywhere from 2-7 hours during the day depending on my schedule.

Hi Amanda,

You are not alone in this. The path isn’t clear cut for everyone, and making decisions like this can be very difficult. Personally, I went to university for a year after graduating from high school and then dropped out the following year because of reasons you mentioned (money and indecisiveness). I thought I had one burning passion and now my interests seem to be stemming into many fields of academia, making it hard for me to choose.

Education is starting to become unappealing to many people these days as tuition prices rise. But there are some of my suggestions:
1) You could try taking open studies or general studies, experimenting with classes in different areas to see which ones you like more or less.
2) You could just attend school part time, taking maybe 2-3 classes and that will allow you enough time to work part-time, helping you reduce the financial demands. This way, if you don’t like all or some of the courses, you won’t feel too regretful because you didn’t take a full course load.
3) What are the specific fields you are interested in? Before committing yourself to a post-secondary institution and deciding you don’t like your program, get hold of some informative books/textbooks about those things you are most interested in and study them to see if this is truly something you would enjoy learning in a formal environment.
4) If you do decide to commit to studying something you love and you find yourself in a lot of debt, you can always take a semester or a year off during your studies to work again.
5) Remember, college/university is not for everyone. This doesn’t mean that you still can’t become an educated person. There are many other resources you can use to learn, i.e. books, online videos, etc.
6) If you decide not to go to college/university in the near future, maybe you could look into other jobs that you would like to do that require minimal training/certification. Perhaps something in the job field will come your way.

The most difficult thing is this- you really DON’T know if a decision will make you happy or not. But sometimes we just have to leap, try something, and if it doesn’t turn out, then you can always change your mind. Remember, school will always be available to you, and so will jobs. So don’t put too much stress on yourself by worrying.

Good luck with everything!