Dear Anita,

You are absolutely right…

I betrayed my husband’s trust for a man who betrayed my trust. Its an emotional wave that makes me want to call him and tell him things but that is something i would regret later.  God has somehow punished me for my betrayal. I can not justify that ever. I wish he be punished too (I am sorry but thats what i am thinking right now).

What bothers me is why is it bothering me… why am i having anxiety and all that.

Dear Anita

I am not sure. Our breaking up was not like we talked about it. He just disappeared after i had a fight with him about what he has been doing to me. He left a message that i think this relationship is now all about hurting each other to which i replied but he went complete silent after that. I did not contact him either because i knew talking to him was useless. I tried making my mind that he toxic so i better move on. But some part of me was still waiting for him.

We never went talking without each other for more than 10 days but when it was one month and no sign of contact… i started to realize and accept that he is gone. I never tried contacting him.

It has been two months now. i was doing all okay. And all of a sudden i heard the news about him getting married (at time when we were in contact normal). he got married 3 months ago.

Ever since i heard the news, my hands are shaky, have lost my appetite and couldnt sleep last night. I feel as if i am shocked or traumatized.

I keep telling myself that you knew he would do that.

I just want to make peace with this. I am angry at him that he did it while he was telling me he loved me. I dont know what to do

Should i call him and let him know that i know about his marriage…..please tell me

Dear Eliana,

Thank you so much for reading my post and taking your time to write for me. Your words are encouraging and i am definitely going for the book your mentioned. I overthink a lot and end up lost and depressed. Also have so much complications and can not talk to anyone about. But we are responsible for our own complications so i should not be complaining. You are right, I should take care of myself and be positive about myself because at the end of the day i am the one I can rely on.

I wish you a good health,

Thank you again. I will keep posting

Dear K,

you are right. I keep beating myself up for being a terrible person. I can guarantee anything. I am wrong and i admit that but he is is wrong too and never admits that. I take the responsibility for messing up my life and someone else’s life but he never does. All he thinks is, he is an amazing lover being able to love me even after i got married. But as Anita pointed out, its true he does not concern himself with anyone’s feelings be it mine, my husbands or the girl he may marry (and i am pretty sure if he marries someone, he is going to fall in love which scares me considering his disregard towards my feelings). He only thinks of himself, otherwise a true lover would have let me go rather than creating a confusing situation after i got married. Someone else’s life does not matter to him i guess.

He once had a facebook account that i did not know of, when i found about it i confronted him. He could not take it and made me feel bad as according to him my confrontation humiliated him. He did not have any affair but the secrets and mysteries in relationship disturbs me (it makes me paranoid…may be i am the only case according to him). He then blocked me on that facebook account thinking that it disturbs me so i better not be able to see it. These kind of things made me not trust him anymore with future or anything. That Facebook thing is still a huge thing for me but he considers himself innocent and still blames me for giving him a hard time over nothing.

So yeah love is a good thing but loving in a bad way is definitely a bad thing. In my marriage, there is no love but there is care and respect which my so called love can never provide me.

I want to do that but i can’t.

His plans do not make sense at all. I blame him too. I blame him for showing up after my marriage when i was trying to move on. I fell for him again (which is my fault… i know) but i consider him responsible. But when i blame him, he is enraged.

I want to leave him, i just don’t know how. He made my life miserable and he has the solution for it that is to make me even more miserable.

The reason i came here and asked for your opinion/advice is i can not talk to anyone else about this. I am thankful to you for taking your time and talking about it with me. I feel like i had an opportunity to move on when i got married but its like i lost it for him. I can not be with him and i can not be happy anymore. He is going to marry eventually but why did he have to snatch my happiness? I feel guilty all the time and thinking of ways to make myself happy and forget about him. But everything seems so impossible. I resent him but i don’t wanna spend my life resenting him. I just want to be happy without even thinking about him.

its possible in our culture. A guy can marry more than one women. He wants to keep ours secret (buy me house etc) while the other marriage is just to fulfill social demands. I know its difficult to understand but my problem is i cant find myself leaving him. How can i be so closely attached to him?

Any discussion about that matter with him ends up with me feeling guilty and wrong. he makes me feel bad about saying no to his plans.