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urooz

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 15 total)
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  • #199945
    urooz
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you so much.

    Things take time. When i look back in time where i had a relationship (i actually was betraying myself too), I never was happy with him as there was a constant guilt with me all the time. Secondly he never was honest and i never trusted him. Despite all this stuff i went on with him for a long long time. I kept myself in agony thinking that i might change him. I cried so much because of him and i dont think i ever cried because of some in my life. I am responsible for my own actions.

    I will take some time to get over all this.

    I will do anything to make it up to my husband.

     

    #199937
    urooz
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    You are absolutely right…

    I betrayed my husband’s trust for a man who betrayed my trust. Its an emotional wave that makes me want to call him and tell him things but that is something i would regret later.  God has somehow punished me for my betrayal. I can not justify that ever. I wish he be punished too (I am sorry but thats what i am thinking right now).

    What bothers me is why is it bothering me… why am i having anxiety and all that.

     

    #199929
    urooz
    Participant

    yes, exactly!!

    I also want him to feel what he did to me was wrong.

    I just dont know how can one get away with all this so easily….

    #199923
    urooz
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    I am not sure. Our breaking up was not like we talked about it. He just disappeared after i had a fight with him about what he has been doing to me. He left a message that i think this relationship is now all about hurting each other to which i replied but he went complete silent after that. I did not contact him either because i knew talking to him was useless. I tried making my mind that he toxic so i better move on. But some part of me was still waiting for him.

    We never went talking without each other for more than 10 days but when it was one month and no sign of contact… i started to realize and accept that he is gone. I never tried contacting him.

    It has been two months now. i was doing all okay. And all of a sudden i heard the news about him getting married (at time when we were in contact normal). he got married 3 months ago.

    Ever since i heard the news, my hands are shaky, have lost my appetite and couldnt sleep last night. I feel as if i am shocked or traumatized.

    I keep telling myself that you knew he would do that.

    I just want to make peace with this. I am angry at him that he did it while he was telling me he loved me. I dont know what to do

    Should i call him and let him know that i know about his marriage…..please tell me

    #199871
    urooz
    Participant

    I just found out… he got married while he was in relationship with me.

    I’m having anxiety and I can’t talk to anyone.

    I broke up with him 2 months ago but this news just somehow reached me…. I don’t know how to handle myself

    #183671
    urooz
    Participant

    Dear Eliana,

    Thank you so much for reading my post and taking your time to write for me. Your words are encouraging and i am definitely going for the book your mentioned. I overthink a lot and end up lost and depressed. Also have so much complications and can not talk to anyone about. But we are responsible for our own complications so i should not be complaining. You are right, I should take care of myself and be positive about myself because at the end of the day i am the one I can rely on.

    I wish you a good health,

    Thank you again. I will keep posting

    #183319
    urooz
    Participant

    Thank you Peter. I have read your post twice. I have been in this situation for like 5 years. All these years i have been playing someone who is not me. I have taken too long to realize, so i think i wasted so much of my time. It made me not only lose myself but it has caused people around me to suffer. This is the thing that bothers the most.

    As you mentioned, Take a step regardless of the direction. You are right but the thing is, like i said before I am not sure the step that i want to take is because i want to take that step or is it because others want me to take that step.

    In order to clarify more i can give an example, i hope its not too much information. My husband wants babies but i think i have never been ready. He has been very supportive of that. But in our culture or society when you get married, people start to ask about having kids after a month. I am married for five years and everyone is freaking out. I do want kids at some point. Now i am thinking about it, but i don’t know if i want kids because i am under pressure or i really want to have kids. Things are not clear to me. That is why i don’t know what i want anymore.

    #183103
    urooz
    Participant

    Dear Katie,

    I think You can not change a person as a whole or you can not make a person the way you want… It makes you the controlling one… isn’t it? I mean there is compromise in a relationship where people give up certain things for the happiness of their partner and it should work both ways.

    Like you said, he changed for you to stay and it made you happy. But you can not change each and everything in him.

    Extreme jealousy and insecurity ruins relationships but if a person is insecure by nature then one should handle them nicely. So, If you love him and you really want to be with him, you should talk to him in a nice way both about trusting you and your friends. So, my advise would be talking to him and expressing how you feel.

    #181883
    urooz
    Participant

    can’t* guarantee anything

    #181881
    urooz
    Participant

    Dear K,

    you are right. I keep beating myself up for being a terrible person. I can guarantee anything. I am wrong and i admit that but he is is wrong too and never admits that. I take the responsibility for messing up my life and someone else’s life but he never does. All he thinks is, he is an amazing lover being able to love me even after i got married. But as Anita pointed out, its true he does not concern himself with anyone’s feelings be it mine, my husbands or the girl he may marry (and i am pretty sure if he marries someone, he is going to fall in love which scares me considering his disregard towards my feelings). He only thinks of himself, otherwise a true lover would have let me go rather than creating a confusing situation after i got married. Someone else’s life does not matter to him i guess.

    He once had a facebook account that i did not know of, when i found about it i confronted him. He could not take it and made me feel bad as according to him my confrontation humiliated him. He did not have any affair but the secrets and mysteries in relationship disturbs me (it makes me paranoid…may be i am the only case according to him). He then blocked me on that facebook account thinking that it disturbs me so i better not be able to see it. These kind of things made me not trust him anymore with future or anything. That Facebook thing is still a huge thing for me but he considers himself innocent and still blames me for giving him a hard time over nothing.

    So yeah love is a good thing but loving in a bad way is definitely a bad thing. In my marriage, there is no love but there is care and respect which my so called love can never provide me.

     

    #181567
    urooz
    Participant

    Thank you for talking to me.

    #181561
    urooz
    Participant

    I want to do that but i can’t.

    His plans do not make sense at all. I blame him too. I blame him for showing up after my marriage when i was trying to move on. I fell for him again (which is my fault… i know) but i consider him responsible. But when i blame him, he is enraged.

    I want to leave him, i just don’t know how. He made my life miserable and he has the solution for it that is to make me even more miserable.

    The reason i came here and asked for your opinion/advice is i can not talk to anyone else about this. I am thankful to you for taking your time and talking about it with me. I feel like i had an opportunity to move on when i got married but its like i lost it for him. I can not be with him and i can not be happy anymore. He is going to marry eventually but why did he have to snatch my happiness? I feel guilty all the time and thinking of ways to make myself happy and forget about him. But everything seems so impossible. I resent him but i don’t wanna spend my life resenting him. I just want to be happy without even thinking about him.

    #181543
    urooz
    Participant

    Exactly!! I think the same but i am afraid i may give up.

    He keeps reassuring me that he will be all mine. He will not make any kind of relationship to the other woman but its just he wants his mother to be happy and i have to stand with him in this. Then i ask why ruin some other girls life when you don’t want to have any relationship with her? He says you don’t have to worry about that because that’s my problem. You just build a wall and don’t think about my other marriage and family…. Is that possible? Can a women just close her eyes and say that nothing exists. On telling him that its not possible foe me to just build a wall and pretend that things are fine… he says you are just ungrateful, i say i will be all yours and things will be all the way you want. Anyways i don’t trust him but i just don’t know how to let go.

    I know he is selfish, just thinking about himself. But how do i make him understand, the discussion never ends well.

     

    #181537
    urooz
    Participant

    its possible in our culture. A guy can marry more than one women. He wants to keep ours secret (buy me house etc) while the other marriage is just to fulfill social demands. I know its difficult to understand but my problem is i cant find myself leaving him. How can i be so closely attached to him?

    Any discussion about that matter with him ends up with me feeling guilty and wrong. he makes me feel bad about saying no to his plans.

    #181527
    urooz
    Participant

    yes that is what he wants. He thinks marrying another woman will keep his parents off his back. He is under pressure because his parents are forcing him to marry.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 15 total)