Do you hyperfocus on the negative? I tend to do that in my relationship and with my communication with others and it just makes me feel like everything I say and do are bad.. Leads me to believe I am the bad guy. It sucks…I find the negative (either stemming from my own mistake or someone elses) and I dissect everything about it, rather than moving on and learining from it. or allowing the other person whose mistake it was, to move on. I internalize everything, but I am seeing that is toxic.. I makes the spirit heavy, good vibes cant get through because its cluttered with the negative thoughts or experiences. Like emotional hoarding???

Allzill, thank you so much for your response! There’s so much valuable information in your post that I don’t even know where to begin.

Its helpful hearing from people my age who are familiar with this internal struggle (as I’m sure most 20-somethings are). I totally agree with the mind and body being connected and needing to find equilibrium to achieve harmony between the two, which is why I looked into yoga to begin with, as it seems to be rooted in the balance of both body and mind. I will be taking my first class in the next week (woot, Groupon!)..

I know that there is no cure for this, and it will be an uphill battle until I learn to master my feelings and treat my thoughts for what they are.. thoughts. Everytime I think i’m on the road to improvement, I have an episode of negativity and anger and mentally I feel defeated and back at square one. I lack patience and I know that if I had been patient and not sorely walked back to square one so many times I may be well traveled on this journey by now. I am learning to treat my mind as a child with a high iQ that blurts out any and everything that comes to mind and my mistake has been taking all of these wreckless and whimsical thoughts and obsessing over each one. I figure if its important enough to be a thought then it should be reviewed and focused on. I am seeing now that if I continue on this path I am going to drive myself crazy and continue down this emotionally harmful path that I am on.

I will say that thanks to the responses that I have received on this (my very first post on any site regarding my personal life) has been so uplifting and helpful. I have already taken small steps towards acknowledging my thoughts and not dwelling on them. My next step will be to improve my diet and make myself get up and get active as I believe that will be a very big step toward my goal and my self confidence. I have never smoked cigarettes but have used medical marijuana before with mainly positive yet mixed results. I had one of my worst panic attacks ever after taking a bong rip in the woods with friends. That experience was honestly one of the worst in my 24 years of life. I don’t however fully blame maryjane on this one though, mainly because I did not inhale enough to get me so gone. I have found on many other occasions that it has helped me to relax and calm my mind. I only use it in small quantities though, because the memory of that notorious attack is always looming in the back of my mind.

I’m always inspired to meet people faced with adversity yet still remain positive and focused.. I know that right now, a little over a month away from being 25 I have began to feel a little anxiety about getting older and not being where I want to be in my life yet. I have not gotten the degree that I know I am capable of, yet lack the discipline and focus to achieve.. Like you,I also live at home with my Mom. I have a steady job, but it is definitely not toward my career goal nor where I want to be for the rest of my life. And spiritually I am confused, as I was raised a Christian, and I do believe in certain aspects of it, however I question certain practices and beliefs… You are very wise and its helps tremendously to know that you have found a process that helps with the internal struggle that i’ll call life. Your encouraging words mean the world.

-Drian.

bwaha, I feel you. and I did. Thanks for the imput.

Thanks for your motivational words.. I’ll use this outline as a guide when I feel lost along my journey for peace.

As do I… Just knowing that someone else has experienced this helps a little Ry. Thx