Hi Anita,

Thanks for replying. The answer to the first question is yes, I had been reading and watching the history of WW2 and the crimes committed by the Nazis, and it triggered a panic attack one night. I could not get rid of the images I had seen and read about. The answer to the second one is also yes, Eckhart mentioned something about children which reminded me of the horrifying things I had watched and read about. And yes, I have never had any feeling of such intense anxiety I felt.

Nina,
The basic thought behind it was that Eckhart said something about being present here and now, and said children feel that presence when they are very young. I got traumatized at this point, imagining about the horrors which were committed at the civilians during that war and how it would feel to undergo that horror.

The thought behind it was that I am not even safe in the “now”, since those horrors were committed in the present moment. I know it all sounds confusing when I put it like this 🙂 It was a sense of doom at a personal level, I have never doubted the good in humanity, and I have always been very optimistic about what great things humans can achieve. I didn’t want to fall this way, I want to be a good human being. When I am not anxious and depressed, I try to be the best person I can be, I think I am even gentler than before, more loving towards my family, since I have been through tough times I have realized how much I love them and want to be with them.

Those images of horror are gone, and I am left with the memory of the event; did I reach a wrong conclusion during meditation? Can I reverse the effect of it? Even now I get nervous and anxious when I try to relax. It also gives me a sense of failure in my spiritual journey, so there is a sense of disappointment.