Have you not Heard anything yet?

I have a story like yours and a possible expanation for what happened to me.

2 years. 40 +. We have kids but not together. Had a real Close Connection and talked on chat EVERY DAY for hours and MET several times a week. Planned future.

We had some problems. He was scared to be hurt, had trust issues and began to be a bit controlling and blaming sometimes.

But suddenly he ghosted me.  He did not reply my phone calls, my texts, my chats, he did not open the door for me. We live very Close so I saw him passing in his car. I was totally destroyed. I only knew he was jealous and thought I did things to him that I did not, so it felt like a punishment. My friends tried to tell me this was not OK behaviour and that he was too jealous and that I should be glad he left. But I wanted to have a Life with him and we were so Close and shared things I would not Dream of doing with anyone else.

After 2-3 months I saw he started post happy Pictures on social media. He became friends with new girsl. Then  I Heard someone had spoken to him and they said he was not OK . So I again tried to Contact him – you have to understand I was in crisis and Went to therapy to cope with this, i could not stop love and could not understand WHY and HOW could he if he loved me that much, he could not sleep cause he was so worried that I was going to cheat or leave him, he had to love me … right?

And to my surprise – he answered. You know what he said?

” I had to break all Contact cause I was feeling so ill due to our relation, I had do save myself”

He could not handle to talk so he sent me a text instead that he could not have a stormy relationship. Never ever did he consider my feelings of that rejection that happened without explaining, despite he Always talked about we NEVER should cut off Communication and if you break up with someone you are obliged to take the talk and make a good finish.

So OK I got confirmation that he wanted to break up but never any closure or understanding or anything else. And seeing him with new Girls on pics, make me Think he was the fake one that lied and therefor was so jealous.

But the explanation I have, is that he was not healthy. I knew some of  his problems, but he never told me all. He most likely had BORDERLINE personality disorder. That made him love intense but also made him watching me very Close and looked for suspicious behaviour that meant I was going to leave him. So hours in nights discussing that, suddenly makes sense. and then he finally switched from adoring me to devaluating me, as for BPD, he suddenly just discarded me and could not handle the emotional distress to talk about it, so he just creeped away and hide for me, to save himself and because he did not care for me at all nomore. But for a person without BPD, love cant stop that fast-

Anyway. I still struggle, I cry a bit almost every day, I try to move on but I have big scars inside that will take time to heal. Noone deserves to be ghosted.   Noone should have to struggle with the questions “what did I do wrong” and “it is all my fault, i should never have done this and that” and oh how hard it is to explain to the kids why our new Family suddenly ended.

How can anyone just cut all Communication when you have a very Close relationship?

Well that was my story. If you been ghosted after a long term rs, it is most likely it says more about the ghoster than you. In case you were not abusive and so on.  So  how to heal from it? That I have not the full answer to yet

Do you have?