Not sure if this will help you, but I definitely relate to your story and want to share mine and give some advice.

My quick story: I was incredibly depressed at 24. Nothing was right – job, friends, family, future – nothing. I read a bzillion self help books about motivation and achievement and when I couldn’t make any of it work I felt worse as a result. At my job, we had to write self-reviews and I poured all of my pain into criticizing myself for being so terrible at my easy entry level position. My [perfect] boss, 35, saw right through it. She took me out for coffee and told me plainly “I would not repeat my early 20s for anything.”

Having someone who seemed to have it all together acknowledge that YES, this period in your life sucks, made me feel less alone. I wasn’t the only one going through it. You are not the only one going through it. For lack of a better word, your suffering is “normal.” You’re not alone in this.

Sometimes life simply blows and nothing is right. You’re in the middle of a hard time. It’s hard to start your adult life. You’re suffering but it doesn’t mean you’re bad or weak or cowardly. There isn’t anything wrong with you. You’re experiencing a difficult period in your life. Life is raining on you and you’re wet. It happens. Is it uncomfortable? Yes. But you’re not wet because there’s something wrong with you – you’re wet because it’s raining.

Also, you feel like your life is at a standstill, but life is always moving even when it feels like it isn’t. Time happens. Change happens. Right now you’re in a slow period. Keep striving to get somewhere, but don’t beat yourself up for not being there yet. Acknowledging where you are – in a hard place – doesn’t mean you’ve given up. You’re allowed to take a deep breath and live in between those crushing job rejections. It can take a while to get the right job and figure out what you want to do, but something will eventually happen. You won’t be here forever. Life is always moving.

I’m rambling now, but here’s what’s helped me:

• Know that you’re not alone. You’re not the only one going through this.
• Know your life is moving even if you feel stuck. Life moves without you having to do anything, so when you can’t do something (like when a job rejection is out of your control), sit back for a few minutes and allow yourself to be swept along.
• Suffering happens. Allow yourself to feel the pain and know it isn’t you, it’s life. Don’t tell yourself it doesn’t hurt when it really does. Lean into it and acknowledge the suffering.
• Don’t overthink your suffering. You could blame yourself for not bringing an umbrella when it rains, but how useful is that? You didn’t know it would rain and even if you did, it finds a way of blowing sideways and drenching you anyway. Don’t blame yourself. Stop thinking about the umbrella. It won’t do anything except stress you out.
• Love yourself. When lost in overthinking, talk to yourself with the love and compassion you’d give a scared kid. You’d never tell a child half the crap you tell yourself now. Tara Brach’s book “Radical Acceptance” has a lot to say about this and was my gateway into appreciating myself.
• Curb overthinking by learning to meditate. It’s amazing. You’ll learn so much about yourself and life by taking a break from your thoughts once and a while.

In case you’re curious, I’m 30 I’ve achieved a lot and am more put together than I was at 24, but it’s still not perfect. I still suffer, and still feel so alone sometimes..but that happens and it sucks but that’s life. But I find that whenever I can stop beating myself up and just live, I can do more with my life because I’m less stuck in a muddy psychic funk. The difference is night and day. Maybe that would work for you too? It takes work and time but it’s worth it. Check out “Radical Acceptance” and similar books/articles, try meditation (Insight Timer App is an easy way to start), maybe see a therapist if you can (I did and it was the best gift I ever gave myself) and keep seeking out connections with outer people. It’ll be OK.

Take care and message me if you want!

• This reply was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by Joshua Denney.