Estrangement is a huge loss for any parent. We often cannot understand why our children turn away from us and this can make it harder for us to accept. They have their reasons and while we dont know what they are or we may not accept the reality of what they believe or we think they are making things into a bigger issue than what we feel it is – we have to accept they see things the way they do. They feel justified and believe to keep themselves happier they have to cease contact. Our only task is to accept without judgment.
Despite the other parent, culture, or events that were the main reason for this alienation or estrangement if we try to see it through their eyes we are wasting valuable energy which we cannot ever get back nor can we see things from their personal individual window of life.
Put your energy into learning acceptance, learning to care for yourself through the process of change that your life is experiencing, and finding a place of solace and peacefulness in this space of pain and grief. You have time to build your own Pheonix of survival without negative feelings, blaming, judgment, or expectations of others. Forgive them for any harm done and forgive yourself for not understanding why – then shift to acceptance and to rebuilding a life without them physically present. You are still their parent, you are still free to love unconditionally and can care for them from a distance –
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