So glad to know that someone is in similar situation as I do. Has been on the new job for 4 months now, though the job is demanding, I have nice boss and colleagues, better pay and working hours, plus much better benefits than my last job. However, the feeling of despair has been gnawing inside me. Most people will says that I’m not appreciative with what i have but like Alice in Wonderland, I had this feelings that somehow I don’t belong or deserve it. Occasionally overwhelm by my work, it makes me feel like I’m totally inadequate. I’m looking for a challenge when I embark on the job but now it seems and feels like I’m not good enough to handle it. I’ve tried looking at things differently but at the moment, it doesn’t seems to help much. Guess because I’m an expert in putting myself down. Outwardly, I looked confident and professional, but deep in my heart I’m dreading the day that I’ll break down.

It has occurred to me that the feeling I had, it’s because I’m dependent on the job for the income to service my housing loans and so had put a lot of pressure on myself to excel on the job. Sadly, I’m feeling helpless as to how I can pull myself out of the pit. Currently trying meditation, it help a little, but really hoping that there’s a way to stop the reluctant feeling and dread of work every morning and just enjoy what I have.