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Winchester1990

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • May 29, 2018 at 12:10 pm #209963
    Winchester1990
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I would like to explore the origin of this guilt because even though I know that it isn’t necessarily rational, it is still affecting me greatly!

    He was always a very kind, selfless and giving person during our relationship, and since we have broken up he has treated me in ways that I would never have expected from him and has become very arrogant. There was one particular incident of flakiness before when he broke up with me for the same reasons, then came back the next day asking for forgiveness and saying he was going to get help for his problems (which he never did).

    Thanks for your reply!

    Winchester1990

    May 29, 2018 at 12:06 pm #209961
    Winchester1990
    Participant

    Hi Michelle,

    Thank you for your kind words! I agree with you on the ‘screw that!’

    You said that my post really reminded you of your past, from your experience can I ask if you have any advice that you could share about how you moved past your experience, and how you gained that strength to be able to say ‘screw you!’

    Thanks for your reply!

    Winchester1990

    May 29, 2018 at 10:51 am #209943
    Winchester1990
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    It is a very unattractive characteristic, you are very right there! I feel like I give him more of a pass because during our relationship he was never any of those things. I feel like he has become a person that I barely recognise since we broke up and that has been quite hard to accept.

    I agree that could be true! I am worrying a lot about how I may have hurt his feelings by telling him to stop contacting me!

    Thanks so much for your reply!

    Winchester1990

    May 29, 2018 at 10:45 am #209939
    Winchester1990
    Participant

    Hi Airene,

    I honestly do still hold hope because I never wanted to break up, and as much as I tried to show him that when he ended things it just wasn’t enough. So part of me is still holding on, and I think a lot of the guilt does come from that because I feel like I have gone against what I truly want (which is for us to get back together). But then we can’t be in a relationship if I have to convince him to want to be there, nor can he expect me to be there for him when he has broken up with me right?

    So I had to protect myself and tell him to stop contacting me, but these feelings of guilt and worrying that I have done the wrong thing are really eating me up!

    It isn’t really my full intention because I do still love him and I do still hold that hope that he will come back, but all he has done recently is hurt me, so I am really trying to make that my intention. It is just really hard to break that attachment.

    Thanks so much for your reply!

    Winchester1990

     

     

    May 29, 2018 at 9:44 am #209925
    Winchester1990
    Participant

    Hi Inky,

    Yes I do think you’re right! I feel pretty empowered for setting the boundary but also pretty terrified as it isn’t something I have put into practice much before!

    Would you call his ‘stunned’ feelings the act of him not messaging again? I kind of thought that was him respecting the boundary!

    Thank you so much for your reply!

    Winchester1990

    February 21, 2017 at 10:33 am #128689
    Winchester1990
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you so much for replying, the whole Win-Win, and Lose-Win relationship dynamics really make sense to me, I just find it really hard to tell him how it makes me feel when he does make me feel bad or pressurize me as I’m worried about making him feel any worse than he already does. I feel like I’m already building up feelings of anger and resentment towards him, I suddenly find myself thinking things like we’re in a relationship and I feel like his babysitter, it upsets me when I think these things because I know he’s struggling and I want to be there for him.
    Do you have any advice about how I could communicate these things with him without making him feel worse? He’s already told me his anxiety makes him feel weak, silly and like a kid, and I would like to talk to him in a way that helps him and offers positivity rather than bring him down further.

    Thank you so much again for your reply!

    February 21, 2017 at 10:26 am #128687
    Winchester1990
    Participant

    Hi Omni1, Thank you so much for answering and giving your insight, I think you’re right communication is key and I don’t think we communicate enough at all about how I feel he affects me and vice versa. I will work on this, thank you 🙂

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)