Hi JJC,

Like others, I registered to this website because your story parallels mine on a larger scale.

First, I’m so sorry that you’ve had to endure such horrible treatment through the years. I have a taste of your pain. I met a gorgeous, charming vivacious woman who knew how to stroke my ego and make heads turn. She moved in after a couple of months, and displayed horrible depression and suicidal tendencies. She wasn’t happy, nor did she love herself, and she took it out on me. At first, I swallowed it because of her delicate state, but when her mental abuse escalated and she tried to change me, I either fought back or withdrew. In spite of her attempts to control and abuse, my ego would not allow me to leave because she was so fine.

One day, she lost her job, and I waited for her to arrive in the parking lot because I knew she was upset. When she pulled up, I offered to help her find work, and she responded with a torrent of abuse, humiliating me in front of a bunch of people. I walked away, and within two weeks, she broke up with me – by text. I was furious and sent her the nastiest email I’ve ever written because I was angry, vindictive, and hurt. Big mistake. I felt strong remorse and shame over my abnormal behavior to the point where I fell into depression and felt suicidal myself. A month later, she wrote lies about me on her popular blog which knocked me to my knees.

That was 8 months ago. Today, after meditating to forgive myself and love myself, I’m much better. Not perfect but I can see the light.

You’re wife sound like she has a toxic personality disorder, much like my narcissistic sociopathic ex. Whereas I only endured 7 mnths of her BS, you’ve been a whipping post for 35 years. There isn’t a word big enough to express how badly I feel for you. Get out…not tomorrow, but now. You have a support network ready to shelter and heal you. Use it. The key is to break off all contact with your wife. Delete and block her email, phone number, accounts…everything else. Join a meditation group and learn how to purge your suffering because once you do so, love will flourish within you and life will be happy again. Is it easy? Definitely not, and it’s not a pill that will relieve your pain by tomorrow. You have a lot of hard, emotional work ahead of you but you will get there.

No one deserves what you’ve been served. Your wife suffers tremendously …she must have had a horrible childhood and terrible parents. But that’s her cross to bear. You must look after yourself first and not worry about any one else. And once you are good with yourself, you can start helping others (not your wife, though).

• This reply was modified 8 years ago by M.