Thank you so much. I really wanna get over this situation. I don’t wanna be depressed and I don’t wanna this feeling of guilt. Thank YOU

Dear Anita
LOA-law of attraction
I don’t wanna attract the same problems in the next relationship. That’s why I asked you about the LOA.

Everything started with his lying to me. He went to a “dealer” and did some things. At the beginning of our relationship I said that, if he go again on that road with it. I will leave him.
And he did. After two weeks he decided to tell me. I felt so betrayed. He knew that he was lying to me and he did it anyway.
After that he started to change. He would called me with names, on English something like stupid. Even when my parents were there. I told him that it’s bothering me, but he didn’t stop. After that he started to change his mind. Like he don’t wanna family anymore. He don’t wanna live with me. Sometimes when he become so angry with me, he would said that he will hurt himself if I don’t answer. Everything was my fauilt. I didn’t understand him.
Like I wrote I got sick from his word two times. Like I would be in bed, because I would get a temperature.
We were like on a roller coaster. He could bring me so low. I would be depressed. He was losing it. I was losing him. I couldn’t even talk to him. I was losing the person I love. He become someone I didn’t know.
Last year as I wrote we had situation with picture-screenshot. I don’t wanna write it again. It hurt that I didn’t end that. It hurt that I let him do that. Like he convinced me that I did wrong. I deserved it. I deserved his behavior.
I didn’t how would he react on something. Will he become angry or will he become my-old boyfriend.

I know all that. I know what he done. But I somehow think he changed. I was so convicted that he would not do anything to hurt me. He cares for me. But apparently not.
Sorry but I really have “tennis” match in my head.

Yes it really is like a addiction to a drug. But I must move on.
About trusting other guys. My ex wasn’t like that in the beginning. On the second date he told me what was he doing in the past. Things that you don’t talk to people. Things that you only said to your friends. But I stayed. I didn’t run away from him. I got a feeling that I can save him. I can save him from his life, and he can be there for me. We will gonna be happy, because we have each other. But I guess as I tried to save him, I cut myself. And now time is to move on.
Well I said that after him I will become different regarding guys.

Thank you for your answer. Sending you love and peace

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by letgo20.

Dear Anita, thank you for your answer

When he was treating that he will punished him self if I dont answer the question, I was terrified. My brain bloced every negative thing.I wasnt aware what I went trough, until I started reading my notes. When he changed I am talking about behaviour change,he become aggressive, depressed, moode swings. He wasnt happy. He said one day, Why dont you leave me? I was like: I dont wanna. I love you. And he: I would like you to leave me. That would make everything simplier. He said that he dont wanna move-in with me, even thou we were working on the flat. That was such stress on me, that the next day I got a temperature, I got sick because of my feelings that I haved. I was crying on regular basis. I could not talk to him anymore, everything was my fault.
After I called off my engagment, I was looking on the internet about abusive relationships and I found him in them.
I found the pattern. He even threaten one boy,because we go on UNI together. He was so jealous.
One night when we were going home from the concert, that I organized for him. He loved the band. He got drunk and start talking that we are breaking up. And he is breaking up with me, now. I was quiet all the time. And at one point he started jelling and grabbed me. I said it hurts,so he let go. I did defend everything that he would do, or say to me. Like I deseved it. He didnt mean that. Like i deserved to be punished, because I didnt delete the screenshoot.
After I read this forum, I am glad that I called thing off. I am so glad that I found this forum, because I can finally said what happened. I even talked with my mum to go to the doctor. I didnt tell her everything, what happened. She only knows when I was crying,because she saw me.
But I am kinda addicted to him. Its strange victim-rapist thing. After our breakup, we did talk, send messages and on one message he wrote: if you sleep with someone it would not be special anymore. Like I would be a wh–e.
Now I have mixed feeling of anger and love,and a little fear.
So, how to move on? How to star trusting men again? After our breakup, I could not looked any men in the eyes. I was really embaresses. I started to loose weight,after everything that happened. I was anorexin in the past. I mean I eat everything, but my head and emotions are eating me.
Also, I supposed you heard of LOA. I know that I should forget about this bad things, but how to deal with it when somebody askes you? Like what would you say to your “future boyfriend” about you ex? I dont wanna make mistakes

BIG THANK YOU <3, after writing this I feel better and a little bit more angry because I allowed this to happend to me.
Before him, to every boy I said NO and to him I said YES we can date, and this happend.
Thank you for your support
Hug