Its makes me anxious. I had one friend in the past before she started getting close to others then I moved on. But still I was nice to her and we stayed in touch. She couldnt take it when I started getting close to others. She blamed me and started gossiping about me in front of others. The “others” would come and ask me about how I am ignoring her. That was hell lot of drama to deal with. I would get anxious that why would she do this to me. She is the one who got busy others and started telling everybody that I ignored her. If I do the same thing now, I fear my current neighbor would the same. I hate all the drama.

I love that prayer and I use it everyday. I am extremely stressed about this friendship. I keep going back and forth. My friend texted me today as reply for the message that I sent on Thursday. It looks like she archived my chat we have this feature on WhatsApp where you can archive the chats into separate folder so that you wont able to see thier messages. I cried on Friday like how she ignored my message. Its pretty clear that she is ignoring me now  as I told ger to stop expecting from me. I kept my ego aside, I planned a kids play date  to  go for  pumpkin patch with her on Saturday and I texted her on Thursday. Today she texted me saying that the other group already planned on Wednesday so she went with them on Sunday. The other thing she told me was her husband told my husband that as they are busy on Saturday we can go together  on Tuesday. My little one has a class on Tuesday  so we went on Saturday. As my little one gets bored on the weekends. I want to leave this friendship but I just keep going back and forth like an idiot. I dont know I feel like I cant take thier rejection anymore. On top of that she is ignoring my texts now. Now its pretty clear that they are busy with other group during the weekends. During our conversation, she did not agree with that instead she blamed me that I wasnt planning early and she told me that she is pretty busy during the weekdays. Now I planned early she said no and  they are planned on the weekdays. I want to cut this off. I  want to stop asking them when we go out. I want go out and make new friends. But I am unable to move on as I am scared she would blame me if i move on. She already blamed me for not texting. I am scared she would blame if i stop asking her or texting her.

<p style=”text-align: left;”>Honestly I dont want have to the conversation about my past.Most indians especially my friend doesnt understand childhood trauma or anxiety.I told her how I felt.Then she got defensive.Started blaming me.If she doesnt want to put the effort then I dont care.I know it hurts but I dont want to be a victim.Thats how some friends.They change when they meet new people.It happened earlier with two of ky friends.They create the distanace but still i put the efforts.Finally when i give up they blame for the distance.I want to move on.Its pretty clear now that she is busy during the weekend with her new set of friends and I know she doesnt want to talk to me anymore.</p>

It looks like she is angry with me now. I know she is clearly lying. She is a LIAR.

I still miss her badly. On top of that my little on keeps asking about my neighbors daughter. I hate this never ending saga. I have been thinking about friend since August.

That makes sense. My little one sometimes blames me that I put too many rules and I feel guilty about it. I have set a rule since  last year saying that she will not get screen time if she doesnt eat food. Its only during the weekdays. Sometimes she doesnt care about the consequences. Last week she did the same.

Thats what I keep telling my husband. She should learn how to spend her alone time. She cannot go the neighbors house everyday or every weekend. I dont know why my husband gives in so easily. He has the typical indian mentality when it comes to parenting. May be because she is an only child. He keeps telling me that kids get bored and they need/want kids to play all the time. we take her to library and she talks to kids over there. We had a great time on Friday as a family. We went to out to ice cream, then chuck-e cheese, then had pizza. But after all that she wasnt happy.  No matter how much we do nothing is good enough for her. My husband prepares her lunch everyday. He cooks what she likes. She hasn’t been eating lunch for the past one year. She is wasting food since one year that triggers me a lot. She skips eating that food is spicy or its not spicy. I dont know how I deal with her at this point. I feel so lost. She throws a fit because she doesnt like spicy food. I add hell lot of butter to her food. I taste it before giving it to her and its not all spicy. She says she  has very less spice tolerance. If she wants a toy she will keep us nagging for half day. She doesnt want to brush her hair every day because its tangled. Every task we do is mundane for us. I dont know what’s going on her little brain. She is cute though and fun to be with. I love her a alot.