Tiny Wisdom: On Changing How You See Problems

“If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” -Mary Engelbreit

In a recent response to my blog post about dealing with difficult people, an anonymous commenter mentioned that she has a negative team member, an irrational supervisor, and an ineffective HR manager. Since she feels that leaving her job isn’t an option, she asked for advice about what she should do.

I could relate to that feeling of being stuck–when you’re in a situation you don’t like, but you feel powerless to change it.

When I’ve been in those circumstances, the last thing I wanted to hear was that I should change my perceptions and responses. After all, other people were causing problems–why should I have to change?

In fact, I spent years stubbornly fighting with people who I thought were in the wrong. Because I felt confident in my judgments–that they needed to be more considerate, or less abrasive, or whatever–I essentially justified a negative attitude by bemoaning their negativity.

Instead of actively seeking workable solutions, I sat around complaining about how other people caused the problems.

In doing so, I became the problem. The victim mentality was the problem. My stubborn righteousness was the problem. These were the things that were keeping me stuck–not what other people did.

We’re going to feel powerless sometimes. Sometimes we’ll have to stay with difficult roommates, even if just temporarily. Sometimes we’ll need to work thankless jobs just to make ends meet. We can either fight what is, or choose to see opportunities within it.

Today if you feel stuck in a situation you don’t love, ask yourself: Do I have the power to change this, and, if not, how can I respond positively and proactively in a way that can help me grow?

Photo by Mark Mrwizard

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others do the same. She recently created the Breaking Barriers to Self-Care eCourse to help people overcome internal blocks to meeting their needs—so they can feel their best, be their best, and live their best possible life. If you’re ready to start thriving instead of merely surviving, you can learn more and get instant access here.

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