Hi Anita
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my post.
In answer to your first question, I think that his upbringing and the way his family treated him has affected his entire view of how a relationship should work. He is rarely affectionate and finds it difficult to talk about his feelings (both things have improved since he has had counselling) But he still has ‘dark days’ I suppose you could call them.
Before he went to counselling he used to have frequent suicidal thoughts – he says that he no longer feels like that. And I can see that he is in a better place now. He says he loves me and he shows me in his own way… But the communication and intimacy is limited although is probably improved from years gone by.
I think for me, I almost used to feel bad about thinking badly/ asserting my own needs from our relationship, knowing what he had been through.
My upbringing was very different I suppose. My parents cared for me and did they whatever they could to make sure we were fed, educated, safe and happy. My own parents were never very happy together, even as a child I knew that. But they would have done anything for me.