Anita,
Thank your for responding.
In the past I have made the mistake of approaching people in the way that comes off as an attack. “You’re doing x,y, and z wrong”, “You need to change your ways” ,etc. etc.

I have tried being gentle and cautious by using phrases, for example, “I understand where you are coming from”, “This is not an attack”, “I’m not mad”, “I accept you for who you are”, “I don’t want to argue, I just want to have a discussion”. And using a calm and assuring voice. Even through body gestures I try to assure that this a safe place to speak: I make eye contact to show I am listening, will rub his arm to show I care, and such. Normally, it isn’t enough and he will shut down and say “this is how I am, I will never be good enough for you.”

When he was going through a rough patch and ignored me for 4 days straight (he says he tends to lash out on the wrong people so instead just shuts everything out), I have told him “I am here for you”, “I care about you so much”, “What can I do for you?” “I want to make this work for us” I have cooked him dinner, sent him inspiring articles when he’s sad, brought him medicine when he was sick, worked with him through his assignments when he was stressed, put on his favorite movie, all to lighten his load and make him feel happy. To be honest, I’m not convinced at this point that he would do the same for me. Strangely enough, I feel like I need him more than he needs me.

It is extremely important for me to say how I feel because I am feeling unhappy and I feel hopeful it could be easily fixed if he would communicate with me more often. I want others to know that I feel comfortable communicating with him so that THEY can feel comfortable communicating with me as well. The more I hold in my feelings, the worse I feel. If I push my feelings aside, they just come pushing back. Communication is the only way for me to prevent that from happening.

Hope this clarifies.