In a weird way, it feels good to hear that this is not right. As much as I don’t want it to be true, as much as I am craving and trying for him; it seems apparent that this is not a good relationship for me. I have consistently found ways to blame myself – I am too anxious, theres nothing to worry about, I’m overreacting; and fall into his sweet talk and excuses “I am busy, I’m a bad texter, I’m bad at communicating”

It may be a combination of both. But I’m running out of reasons to defend him, other than the way I feel when I’m with him.

I really can’t think of any bad experiences as a child. I have a good upbringing. I can see maybe feeling rejected as the youngest child who has an older brother who is a very successful professional athlete and I can’t ever compete with that. A majority of my life that has been the focus in my family. However, I have come to terms with that quite recently.

I feel my anxiety stems more so from previous relationships. I have been rejected by the past 2-3 men who I have fallen deeply for, it seems to be a repeating cycle of not being good enough for men no matter how hard I try.