Nicole,

I will share with you two things that might help: First, Anita is right, the far more important gift you can give your child is to be “present” and happy when you are with her – even if you can’t be there all day. I too wanted to stay home with my kids, but it was never possible for me and, for a long time I felt inadequate as a mother because they were in daycare instead of being home. However, if you ask my kids today (at 20 and 18) what they remember about their childhood, they have many great memories from their time in daycare; making friends, shoving beads up their noses, eating sand (LOL), things I’d never have been able to give them as a stay-at-home mom. They also remember us sitting down to dinner every night and sharing our “daily highlight” where everyone tells about the best thing that happened to them all day, even if it’s only “5 o’Clock finally arrived and I was able to leave work and come home to you!”

Second, and I don’t mean to marginalize any issues you have with your husband, but try asking yourself if these things are really a deal breaker. I find the things that end a marriage aren’t where he squeezes the toothpaste tube, or which way you put the toilet-paper on the spindle, they are serious character flaws. My husband never, never, shuts his sock drawer in the morning. Never. It used to drive me crazy. I fumed about it, or snapped at him about it often: “Are you going to put those socks back after you wear them? Hmm? Then why leave the drawer open?!!” Then one day he left on a two-week business trip and when I came home from work I found his sock drawer open. Suddenly my entire focus changed and that annoying, forgetful gesture became an endearment – something that reminded me of him – and I realized I would miss shutting that damn drawer for the next fourteen days. I never let it bother me after that. I just smile and push it shut – still to this day. 🙂

Try taking a deep breath and letting go of some of the things that maybe don’t matter as much. Treat yourself with tenderness and love too. Have patience with yourself, and with your husband. You are both only human after all. Love your daughter and remember she’s watching you – you are her role model. She’ll never admit it (especially when she hits her teens and you become a complete stupid-head) but she will learn how to be a woman, a mother, and a good person from watching you. Hugs to you. Try to smile today. 🙂