Dear jsj32:

You wrote (I am writing from memory reading your posts yesterday, so my words are not exact) that your brother was a successful professional athlete during your childhood and you couldn’t compete with him, athletically, I assume you mean. Your wrote that your parents were focused on him, not on you.

You wrote before that you turn backward for everyone, doing for others so much (as you did for the boyfriend you described on this thread), doing so much for others, expressing your love for them, trying to please and accommodate.

When one “niche” is taken by one sibling, in your case athleticism, the other siblings take other available places in the family. Maybe you took the people pleasing, people accommodating niche, competing for attention that way.

Could that be the case? If so, did it work for you in the context of your family?

Maybe it is not working in your relationships with men so far. Maybe you doing too much for the guy, focusing on his feelings and the balance is off, so it works against you… the guy maybe feeling pressured to … love you too soon, because of all that you do for him???

anita