Dear Ravi:

It has been 16 days we have been corresponding about Jerry, 3/26-3/31, 11 pages, lots and lots of posts. I went myself as far as imagining you and her walking hand in hand toward the sunset yesterday. This means I lost my hold on reality and delved into your fantasy, my version of your fantasy (since in your fantasy all that happens is a resuming of online correspondence with her).

Why fantasy? Because your online relationship with Jerry did not make you stronger, confident, independent…it just made you feel better at times but left no mark on your character.

There is no better Ravi for Jerry.

Her main and maybe only reason for ending communication with you is that you expressed your love for her beyond that of a brother. Now the cat is out of the box, so I don’t see a way to push the cat back in. Both of you know and can’t un- know that you have possessive feelings for her, such as a boyfriend would have for a girlfriend.

I am extricating myself from your fantasy because it did not make you a better person while it lasted, and is not making you a better person after it ended. It is not even giving you comfort. It is doing nothing but distress you. It is an obsession.

I don’t want to discuss Jerry with you anymore. I don’t want to read a single thing about Jerry.

I will not engage in what makes you sick, this obsession, now that I see it as clearly as I do. I think I gave you good input in posts before and you can re-read those. But nothing new from me.

If your obsession persists, and your distress is intense, there are psychiatric medications that can help alleviate the obsessive thinking and distress. Good psychotherapy is always my first option.

you can write to me about any other thing and you can refer to your obsession as .. your obsession, a sickness. We can talk about how to heal from this sickness.

Take good care of yourself:

anita