@newlife123

@seekingsatisfaction: Hi guys 🙂
I see you made my thread into your own private chat! I joke..

I didn’t mean to cause any upset or negativity I just wanted to hear what Anita thought of your views Dina. I really liked your outlook and comments on my thread because they relate to me – your view of the her relationship with this guy is almost identical to how she explains it; she’s told me he means nothing to her and how she only tells me stuff because I’m her best friend and she loves nothing more than telling me her daily stories. Also you seem to have similar anxiety/fears in your relationship, though you’re doing a lot better than me at handling them! I loved your posts on a thread called ‘friendliness/flirting/trust’ too.. They helped a lot 🙂

Now that’s out the way.. I thought I’d take some time and gather my thoughts before I actually replied plus I’ve been overally busy at work! I’ll give you an update on where I stand.. There’s a lot I’ve learned over this month so give me a chance.

I believe it’s all my insecurities and it’s something I’m really struggling with. I put this down to a few things; I moved away from working with her and seeing her almost everyday. That I viewed this friend as attractive, funny and dateable and also because I was cheated on in my last meaningful relationship. One of the clearest indications to me is that when I picture all the things I fight with her over (with this guy) being done with another guy at work, I don’t feel threatened at all. The game seems purposeless and a joke, not flirty. I see it all as friends at work and not someone she really likes but as soon as its him, I get all anxious again.
I explained how my girlfriend’s a kind soul but this is mainly because of how insecure she is and her low self esteem. Whenever someone’s friendly to her she enjoys that attention and gets attached straightaway – male or female.

She explained how this ‘game’ wasn’t even as big or relevant as its now become after all the arguments; it was only mentioned on the day they found it and when she gave it him back on his last day which he then left in his locker for her.
My problem now is that I’ve made this into such a huge issue that my anxiety and fears are taking over on a daily basis. When I think of her in the morning, I feel anxious and think of him. I constantly fear she’ll be overally friendly with another guy and I picture her relationship with him again. I guess I got used to the idea and security that I was the only guy she really spoke to before I left work – she wasn’t as close or confident with anyone else.
I want to be able to feel as confident and comfortable with her again. I feel like I’ve lost all my confidence and I hinge on her every word – I believe anything bad or twist her words and find it hard to believe any good.

She tells me if she knew her friendship would’ve caused her to lose me/hurt me.. She would never have risked it. That I’m her first and only love and the idea of giving someone else more importance than me isn’t imaginable. She’s told me countless times that she wants nothing more than to be my wife and how nothing would make me happier. How she didn’t find him attractive and their friendship was nothing meaningful, just a laugh at work. Why is it I find it so hard to let go of this or am I not trying hard enough? I did mention previously that I’d find it a lot easier to just let go but I know now that I’d carry these anxieties into my next relationship – and the truth is I don’t want no one else. It’s just my anxiety makes me not want this anymore or view her the same – it’s as if she’s cheated.

One negative I’ve found is that I had told her how much this guy bothered me – I explained how he made me uneasy and jealous. She comforted me on that day and told me she didn’t want me feeling that way, how he means nothing to her and no one would take my place. But after this she still went onto giving him this thing back on his last day and then telling me about it when he left it for her. It makes me feel betrayed thinking how she carried on knowing how much it hurt me (putting their friendship before me) and I think why she’d do that if he meant nothing?

Any suggestions on how to not let my anger overcome me when I think of all this? We’ve been arguing almost every week over the same stuff.. I get anxious, interrogate her and we break up. Once I calm down and think of how she is with me.. I’m back grovelling. She’s told me she wants nothing but me to go back to being the same confident guy she fell in love with and I can’t help but think I’ve ruined our relationship.

Hope you’re both doing well and would love to hear your inputs again 🙂

Thank you Adam