Dear amde20:

I am glad you posted and hope you feel much better soon.

You wrote that you “should have… had more communication leading up to it.” I believe you hit the nail on the head with this statement. It is not wise to let the heat of the moment determine if it is right to engage in a sexual interaction with a person for the first time. In the heat of the moment, the body says Yes. Afterward the mind says: What happened? That was so wrong…

So it is wise to have ongoing communication before, when the heat is not on. Of course, it is too late with this guy. This kind of thing happening to you is understandable: You are not born with this kind of wisdom. Someone should have taught and guided you on this issue.

Next time, how would you know if it is the right time? You can prepare now before the next relationship so what happened will not happen again.

Here is a writing assignment for you aimed at answering when it is the right time for a first sexual interaction with a guy:

1) What kind of a man does he need to be so that you will consider sex with him? Be as detailed and specific as you can, listing what are your none negotiable requirements about a man before you consider a sexual relationship with him (ex.: STD free, honest, age, employment, education, living situation, etc etc…anything important to you).

2) What kind of a relationship it would need to be before you consider sex with the man? (ex. exclusive..)

3) How long does the relationship need to be before you consider sex? How much time do you need to spend with him in person before you consider such (relevant for when much of the communication is online and when it is long distance)?

Would you like to answer these?

anita