Thank you all for your thoughtful responses! I don’t think the girls I interact with remind me of my mother, well, I guess in some ways. Like I see mom seems to be annoyed at dad a lot and sort of criticizes him a lot, and I see a lot of married people are kind of just sort of like friends and not romantic partners in some ways. I think I had a great relationship with my parents, but this experience with my ex girlfriend and my interactions with girls have sort of led me to feel like they will see me as disposable.

I know it’s not true. I know I have to give them a chance. I know they are just stressed out and probably don’t have the same energy because of expectations… They would probably want to be more fun or creative if they had the chance!

I understand that Buddhists have a concept of freeing yourself from desire and reaching a sort of “emptiness” but I never understood that, maybe you could shed some light on it? To me, it seems like to feel good or pleasure you must exist, and if you exist, you have a purpose, and that with a purpose you must desire to do something. To me emptiness and pleasure/feeling good and clear and at peace are not the same (in one I am empty, in the other I am full). In Buddhism is this “emptiness” then actually what I am thinking by “full?”

Or maybe it means you can feel happy/good/pleasure/peace/clarity by just existing itself? Emptying yourself of anxiety and expectations?