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Trevor

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 29 total)
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  • #101762
    Trevor
    Participant

    Hey thanks for the input! I know their intentions are good

    #101248
    Trevor
    Participant

    I’m glad there are still girls in the world like this – I am a guy and I’m like this but I feel like most of my peers are independent career women (probably a false generalization I make to exaggerate the difficulties) and it may come across as desperate or needy to the opposite sex when I act on the impulses.

    I think the trick is to not act on the fantasies – let them develop but do not act on them. So just start with a friendship and let it slowly escalate.

    #101135
    Trevor
    Participant

    I think I have to start letting my guard down and questioning it so much and just try befriending some more girls my age

    #101134
    Trevor
    Participant

    Thank you all for your thoughtful responses! I don’t think the girls I interact with remind me of my mother, well, I guess in some ways. Like I see mom seems to be annoyed at dad a lot and sort of criticizes him a lot, and I see a lot of married people are kind of just sort of like friends and not romantic partners in some ways. I think I had a great relationship with my parents, but this experience with my ex girlfriend and my interactions with girls have sort of led me to feel like they will see me as disposable.

    I know it’s not true. I know I have to give them a chance. I know they are just stressed out and probably don’t have the same energy because of expectations… They would probably want to be more fun or creative if they had the chance!

    I understand that Buddhists have a concept of freeing yourself from desire and reaching a sort of “emptiness” but I never understood that, maybe you could shed some light on it? To me, it seems like to feel good or pleasure you must exist, and if you exist, you have a purpose, and that with a purpose you must desire to do something. To me emptiness and pleasure/feeling good and clear and at peace are not the same (in one I am empty, in the other I am full). In Buddhism is this “emptiness” then actually what I am thinking by “full?”

    Or maybe it means you can feel happy/good/pleasure/peace/clarity by just existing itself? Emptying yourself of anxiety and expectations?

    #100968
    Trevor
    Participant

    That is very thoughtful for you to be doing this!

    Yeah I met her in High School and she approached me and really flattered me. I was kind of shy and she was a really pretty girl – and really unique. She had a lot of emotional issues though… I think maybe that’s what fueled the emotional intensity of the relationship. She was also very sexual but I did not want to get too involved in that way until after marriage. I tried to love in a sacrificial way because I thought that love was supposed to be unconditional, which I believe helped it last as long as it did, but ultimately she left me because she felt I was “boring” or maybe she wanted more sex/experience or because I was going to college. She had a lot of energy and I really liked that!

    I really did care so much and we texted almost all the time. I wish I could go back and prevent myself from dating her because then I wouldn’t have gotten so depressed… And I would probably be dating someone my own age right now!

    #100965
    Trevor
    Participant

    I think that it useful in a way (I guess if you mean it and really do understand!). Of course it would be good to add in personal experience or suggestions too (though maybe that isn’t the buddhist philosophy). Maybe that’s what the therapist was trying to do… I don’t know it’s so confusing sometimes…

    I really cared about her and walked her home in the rain and ran to the park with her after school. It was….magical. I really don’t know how else to describe it. Every little thing triggered an intense positive feeling. Just smelling her house and walking down her street were almost spiritual.

    Maybe if I give girls my age a chance they won’t end up being the apathetic super “mature” people I’m thinking they are? And then maybe I can transition past this stage

    #100962
    Trevor
    Participant

    I guess so. I don’t like talking to therapists much. Sometimes I feel like they aren’t real people or are reading something from a medical textbook script to make money. Some of the worst advice I got from them

    #100957
    Trevor
    Participant

    Yes I tried therapy but it didn’t really work nor did doctors – it just feels sort of weird paying someone to talk to you, and I would get advice like avoid thinking about it or it’s okay to have casual sex. It was hard for me because I always saw sex as a beautiful thing intertwined with love – people are not just disposable

    #100940
    Trevor
    Participant

    In addition to this I am scared because I feel like people will think I’m perverted or hate me – including any future person I do end up in a relationship – for mentioning this. I’ve tried talking about this with my parents but they think I’m being selfish or creepy or just tell me that I shouldn’t want a relationship and should just be happy being by myself.

    I understand that happiness comes from within, but a part of me feels really dismissed and hurt and like my dreams that have been important to me are misunderstood and I don’t know how to handle it – just let go of them or hold on to faith? And how to proceed?

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by Trevor.
    #66348
    Trevor
    Participant

    I tried moving out living on campus at a college with 2 roommates and I have severe anxiety when I do not have some personal space… I thought that I would get over it but the two years I was there I didn’t seem to feel any more comfortable. My work and quality of life suffered dramatically.

    I don’t think it’s as much “moving out,” but having personal space, independence, freedom, and respect as a hard working valued individual. That is self-actualization, no?

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by Trevor.
    #66023
    Trevor
    Participant

    I know that nobody replied to this topic but maybe it is comforting to know that infinity is bigger than you think and you can’t really go into it with any ideas of what it might be like, which is difficult and sort of alien. I think perhaps too much.

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by Trevor.
    #66022
    Trevor
    Participant

    Thank you all so much, I did not think that it would be possible to find the answer I was looking for, but the answer is starting to become more clear. It’s just hard to accept certain truths when they feel so alien, so I really appreciate the positive energy.

    #65927
    Trevor
    Participant

    If God wants me to enjoy things as acceptable and clear, then why does he always seem to make things so weird and seemingly evil? The thought that I am doing this to myself or that I am God seems equally as distressing… Am I making this decision???

    If I do see my parents in heaven and they are there to comfort me how will I be comforted because I know the real them wouldn’t ever tell me to BE God and wouldn’t tell me to die. Why am I so uncomfortable???

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by Trevor.
    #65922
    Trevor
    Participant

    I feel evil if I betray myself by being okay with my parents being dead or no longer existing as they do, yet I feel pressured and strong-armed into this happening, which feels evil as well. I feel that it is evil that my parents would be some sort of puppets made by God, or even myself.

    #65919
    Trevor
    Participant

    I know I hear that the universe is some benevolent being, but what if it is actually just me?? I don’t want to be fooled by feelings or powerful emotional energy….

    Will things be clear and acceptable or will I just be overwhelmed with emotional energy and God will make me forget everything to protect myself?

    Or maybe I just will stop existing at all?

    I don’t know what to do here to give myself peace…

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by Trevor.
    • This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by Trevor.
Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 29 total)