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Dear tontonyanou:
What you are describing, I believe, is your significant discomfort with the emotional state of passion. Looking at definitions of the word “passion”, here are some: “a strong feeling (such as anger) that causes you to act in a dangerous way”
“Strong or powerful emotion: a crime of passion” and “Passion (from the Greek verb πασχω meaning to suffer) is a very strong feeling about a person or thing. Passion is an intense emotion, a compelling enthusiasm or desire for something.”
I personally feel great discomfort with the state of passion and prefer calm. When I feel passion, I get alarmed, as if that feeling will cause me to behave in a harmful way, as if I am in danger. It is like losing self control, no longer being in charge of myself, as if something else takes over. It is scary to be lost like that.
I would like to be able to tolerate that state, those emotions. Can you relate to what I wrote here so far?
anita