Dear cherryblossom:

It seems to me that your relationship with your ex boyfriend, where you felt safe and accepted, was at a high cost to you: you were often enough not sexually attracted to him, even repulsed, and yet you had sex with him. That feeling of safety and acceptance with him was based on you compromising yourself in a big way, for it is a big compromise to have sex with a person you are repulsed by.

I am assuming your ex boyfriend did not notice that you were repulsed by him, that you and him did not have honest, intimate conversations, so he didn’t know. You and him kept going while keeping quiet about your feelings. On the other hand, you now remember that his brother was actually interested in what you think and feel.

Maybe the message is right here. If you see the message in what I wrote here, in part of it (for you to consider and evaluate), will you write what the message is, phrase it, edit it if needed, re-write it and state it here?

anita