April 11, 2016 at 11:35 am #101548AnonymousInactive
According to numerology I am now in personal year 7 and it is indeed quite reflective for me, as currently I don’t have a jobs, ended many friendships and feel that a huge part of my life has ended and I don’t know what will come next. I have also this transit Pluto conjunct my natal Mercury transit which makes things so heavy that I am experiencing major revelations about how blinded I have been in the past about certain things and feel that I am being deeply transformed now.
Last night I had a strange surprising dream. Lately I have very vivid almost lucid dreams since the last 1-2 years.
So this is the dream. A person I know from high school is standing in front of me and reveals to me that he has had loving feelings for me for long time, so intense that he realizes he always talked/thought of me even when having other girlfriends. Then he caresses my hair which in my dream is long and blond.
So why is this dream so surprising for me? When I woke up, I really started remembering things about this person, and I realize that what he told me in the dream might have been right for the period of time we saw each other more regularly. But this was long time ago.
Also, he is the brother of my boyfriend from high school. There is actually some story from there. When I was 17 I went to the sea side with my class mates. There I met my future boyfriend. We started dating several weeks after that vacation as he went on another vacation with his family after that. What I remember is that I felt strong spark from the beginning when we were at the sea side, which quickly shut down, but we had agreed to meet after that, plus at the time I really wanted to have a relationship. So on our very first date he introduced me to his brother, and I felt an instant attraction between us, which I definitely felt and knew in that moment that was shared. He was a guy that had many qualities I actually would like for a boyfriend that my actual boyfriend was lacking. I thought this would pass but it didn’t. I was young and inexperienced, somehow dependent back then. So I spent almost 5 years faced with a very bad dilemma. I didn’t want to leave the comforts of my relationship, it was secure, I met a lot of people through him, I felt accepted. But I wasn’t attracted to him that way, and was even repulsed by him sexually. But I didn’t want to lose my best friend. At the same time, I had strong feelings for his brother.
What I remembered this morning is that, at the time we met, his brother already had a serious girlfriend. I had listened stories about the fairy tale their relationship was, but didn’t witness that. At the time I already knew him, I heard she had started complaining that he wouldn’t spend that much time with her anymore. Not long after that they broke up, and he didn’t have another girlfriend for the time I hung out with these people. So today after this dream I started remembering these things, and started recalling hints that he might actually really had romantic feelings for me at that time. But at that time I also realized that even if he would notice me, it would be wrong to have anything with him even after terminating relationship with his brother, it just wouldn’t be right.
But I haven’t seen this person in years, and as far as I know, nowadays he has a girlfriend. So much time has passed, I have had other relationships and even what at the time I thought was “meeting the one”. Why this dream now?April 11, 2016 at 7:21 pm #101575
“Why this dream now?” you asked. Maybe because currently you don’t have a job, many of your friendships ended an you feel that a huge part of your life has ended (You wrote: “currently I don’t have a jobs, ended many friendships and feel that a huge part of my life has ended”) And so there is a vacuum in your life, an emptiness that attracted a something of long ago to fill in that emptiness.
Are you thinking that your dream is a sign from a higher power of sorts pointing you to take the action and contact that guy?
anitaApril 11, 2016 at 10:47 pm #101598AnonymousInactive
I don’t feel that this is a sign to act on this dream. We haven’t been in touch for many years, and even if we were, and even if there were no obstacles between us now, it still wouldn’t be right. I have been in touch with my ex (his brother) during these years, as friends, seeing each other once a year, and every time he made suggestions of getting back together. He once told me that while he was abroad, he realized how important I was to him. And to me, there is no going back, because the end of our relationship was a relief. He is still single. And his brother, he is in a committed relationship for the first time in many years and they look happy. I think there is a message for myself only, but don’t know what.
Yes, there is currently a gap in my life, but I have had so many experiences and was even rejected not long ago by another person. I had feelings for him but still I am glad it happened that way because I know he is not right for me. I had vivid dreams about him for a while until processing my experiences with him, then they stopped. Then I went to the mountain this weekend and had a brief meeting with a guy I could like. Then went to bed and had this strange dream.
The other surprise for me comes from the fact that, this person has a very impressive presence. Many people around him have respect for him, and many girls liked him. He is tall and attractive. But he does nothing to look like an authority, it is just his natural aura. And during all the years while I secretly had feelings for him, I was at the same time scared and respected by his judgement every time he asked me a question. Now after that dream I remembered that he actually looked for many ways to talk to me. I was more silent then, and when there were more people, he always asked, what was my opinion on this, what was my opinion on that. I have grown since then and learned to assert myself better and feel more confident. Looking back to these days I see situations in a different way and can even see that he somehow recognized me and my potential beneath the surface of silence and modesty. This is something that does not occur often even today as people just see my physical appearance and don’t even see my true self. So another part of my surprise is to discover that, all these years I have been respected by him, he actually felt respect for me too, which at least back then was a big deal…April 12, 2016 at 8:54 am #101612
It seems to me that your relationship with your ex boyfriend, where you felt safe and accepted, was at a high cost to you: you were often enough not sexually attracted to him, even repulsed, and yet you had sex with him. That feeling of safety and acceptance with him was based on you compromising yourself in a big way, for it is a big compromise to have sex with a person you are repulsed by.
I am assuming your ex boyfriend did not notice that you were repulsed by him, that you and him did not have honest, intimate conversations, so he didn’t know. You and him kept going while keeping quiet about your feelings. On the other hand, you now remember that his brother was actually interested in what you think and feel.
Maybe the message is right here. If you see the message in what I wrote here, in part of it (for you to consider and evaluate), will you write what the message is, phrase it, edit it if needed, re-write it and state it here?
anitaApril 12, 2016 at 11:14 am #101617AnonymousInactive
I have the feeling that you are suggesting something I cannot quite get, or you are just giving me some directions. But it is interesting analogy, and you are right. I was young, and I thought there was something wrong with my sexuality. Also there was the social pressure, in the eyes of people we were “the perfect couple” and my girlfriends were betting that I would marry before them. So if he didn’t find anything wrong and in the eyes of people we were a couple, then it’s just me. I needed to have many experiences before learning to acknowledge my inner reality, and still learning. Please do not confuse this with conformism, I was just so unaware of myself back then. To me the human design system explained a lot of this unawareness of my inner reality and my focus on “the other” as a projector. Myself, I, this was like a blind spot to me. This is neither altruism nor dependency as I am a well structured being taking full responsibility of myself since too early actually. It is something like always assuming the role of observer and not feel your own presence.
And in contrast, his brother being interested in hearing my own voice and thoughts, he did recognize me. What a strange situation. Another secret that I had back then, is that one of the reasons I was stopping myself every time I thought of ending this relationship, was that I didn’t want to lose the chances to keep in touch with his brother. I just wanted to be around him, I would rarely initiate any interaction with him, there was no need, his presence was very charismatic and could be felt from distance, plus he always noticed and acknowledged me. OK maybe this story is becoming way too awkward :))April 12, 2016 at 12:00 pm #101622
What I suggested is regarding the message in that dream. You wrote in your post before last: “I think there is a message for myself only, but don’t know what.” I was aiming at trying to find out the message for you, in that dream. My idea of a message, a possible message is: I, cherryblossom, needs a boyfriend that will pay attention to how I feel and respect my feelings. I need a boyfriend with whom I will honestly and openly communicate.
That is all, as simple as that.
Your last post makes me understand that in that young age, a teenager, you put your trust of knowing what was going on in what people said, that you are “the perfect couple” You looked to others to tell you what was the reality of your relationship. Now you know that the source of knowing reality is in you.
anitaApril 13, 2016 at 6:18 am #101698AnonymousInactive
I think you may be right. 🙂April 13, 2016 at 8:10 am #101705
Please do post again with how you proceed, having heard the message in your dream, maybe…?
anitaApril 15, 2016 at 12:11 am #101918AnonymousInactive
I will not act on this dream, I consider it more like a lesson for me, something to look as a quality in my future relationship/s. When this will happen, I don’t know yetApril 15, 2016 at 8:52 am #101944
Yes, do listen to the messages in your dreams and in your emotions throughout your waking hours. Emotions (energy in motion) often motivate us to do something (motion) only you decide on the motion, or lack of, on what is likely to be effective, wise action and what will not be effective.
anitaApril 4, 2021 at 6:57 am #377170