We met for a few days over a week ago. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. We were to have 3 nights together to reconnect and plan our future. Didn’t happen that way/ Met him the first afternoon, him driving 3 hours and me driving 2 hours away to a most delightful Inn that had a magnificent suite, with fireplace and living room, hot tub in the bathroom and beautiful bedroom. Re-ignited the passion we had been talking of daily, for the last 6 months since we had seen each other last.
By the third day, his ruminating and thinking of all the issues he had left behind at home, started to show on the stoic concerned look on his face. He was over-thinking an issue at work and one at home. His ex-wife had told the grown sons that their father didn’t love, them, didn’t care about them, and that he was always at work or coaching baseball games, because he didn’t want them around or to be around them. They actually said that to him, as he was leaving for his “work-related” trip. We talked about all his worries and I tried to logically assuage his guilt and concerns with how the lies aren’t true and he needs to know that he is a good man and talk with his sons about it. Little by little, he kept getting that “faraway” look in his eyes, and I knew. I knew that no amount of logic or talking or making love, was going to get that “faraway” look to go away, except to go back home and take care of the situation at work and at home. I urged him to leave a day early and go home. I was stoic and logical in front of him. He went home a day early, with tears in his eyes, and I spent the better part of the day and the last night alone. Had time to think. I do so love him, and he loves me, but he is easily manipulated into guilt and doubt by the family that seems to enjoy tormenting him. They know he takes blame for everything and twists the knife in his back, with pleasure in their eyes. I have started to doubt that we could have a normal peaceful life, as long as this continues. I have urged him to get therapy for himself at least. He needs someone who is not emotionally involved to convince him of his right to enjoy life and stop tormenting himself. He states I am the only good thing in his life, and he will not live life fully, til he is with me. I told him the emotional baggage he brings, may not give us a chance at peace and love, as we want it. That we should go to therapy together in the future, if there is a future for us.
I continue to talk to him daily, but will not pursue any rendezvous together, until he is settled and alone in his new life. I refuse to be hurt or abused by his sons, and hope he does the same. My concerns over leaving my home seem to be tolerable, and I am stronger every day and less guilty feeling as time goes on. I will leave and pursue happiness when I am ready.

No need to comment, just had to get it off my chest. The disappointment of the reality of this, crushes me, but I will get over it. I always do. That’s me Ms. Resilience.

The divorce for him was supposed to be final months ago, but she continues to stall, get sick and cant show up at hearings, and generally continues to find ways to renegotiate the settlement, so that he is screwed on it. She has a trio of friends who show up at the meetings and say vindictive things to him outside, when he leaves the lawyer office. They continue to attack verbally and say he ” will pay” and he will never, ever ” be happy” again.. I feel we cannot go on, until he is finished with this. Such a sensitive and kind soul, I am starting to feel like he is actually “weak” and try to be neutral in my thinking. My heart seems broken, and I am just trying to keep my chin up. Thanks for letting me vent…………