Dear eris:

Let me know if you’d like me to refer to you by your real name.

Before I comment on your above delightful-to-read post, I want to tell you that yesterday, after I sent you the post about mastering fear, about choosing how I react to it, as in taking a hot bath instead of a narcotic, I wanted to take a walk (4 miles, some steep parts) right after I had lunch. I was full and that triggered my fear of gaining weight and the “solution”- to burn calories via a walk. Problem is I was sick yesterday, still am. I realized taking a walk can exacerbate my cold, so… I took a hot bath instead and stayed home. If I took the walk, it is possible I would have become sicker. Instead I had a good night sleep after two nights of hardly any sleep.

Now, regarding your post: how well written and humorous as well. I like your visualization. Please do let me know how it works for you.

Regarding your last paragraph: I can relate to not being afraid traveling: I too traveled alone, with no planning whatsoever, all through Europe and to the U.S. And I often was in scary situation but felt no fear. This is because the real danger I encountered in my life was from my mother. As long as I was not with her, I was almost fearless. It is what we associate with fear that scares us, and what we associate with fear from our early childhood.

It therefore makes sense to me that you are fearless in many situations, as you described, but are very fearful, petrified when confronted with an authority figure because the latter triggers your fear association, or connection formed in early childhood.

It is like a person who is afraid of spiders is so afraid because such an association was made between spiders and fear. Another person may not be afraid of spiders, but is no less fearful of snakes.

Your five year old self has a super matador on her side, oh, yes. If only you did have someone powerful on your side when you were a child. And indeed, this is what you still need. And so do I. Only that someone-powerful, well, it has to be me.

“Things are going to change around here!”

anita