I don’t have high expectations of my friends anymore. I just want to be able to relate to them and have a good time. It’s always been hard for me to make friends since I was little. I don’t have much to talk about with people and there are lots of things not going right for me that it’s hard to not come out even if I try. If I say, I’m not happy with my job situation, so I’m not able to focus on a couple of other things right now, they start giving unsolicited advice and I keep saying that won’t work because of so and so reason. At the end of the conversation it all comes out. I didn’t mean to give them specifics. The friend who was trying to help with the shopping for pants, is someone I can’t relate to on many other topics as well. I do want to limit my interaction with her because of that. I don’t come out of our interactions feeling joyful. I know I am always anxious, it’s always lurking below the surface. I wouldn’t even know how to find a competent therapist. I’ve tried therapy twice and it helped only 5%.

But, the situations I’m talking about happened more than a decade ago and I’m wondering if by remembering how I was hurt, I’m being resentful.