Hi Rickmangler,

Sorry, to reply so late, I am in different part of the word.

I feel your pain brother, you remind me of myself, what I was like in Dec- Jan ( 2016).I was in a similar situation. I am going to be very honest and tell you the truth. Gut feelings are always right. Mine was and I continued to ignored it for a long time, because she said some assuring words to me and I believed, even though my gut feelings were flashing red lights inside me.

I know what it feels like when you are doing everything you can and still seeing the person you loved most slowly moving away from you, oh yeah, I know it very well. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t enjoy things that I usually enjoy.It is the worst feeling in this world and it makes you feel that you are dying.

What I want you to understand first, is that you aren’t losing her to him ( whether it is actually happening or not). She has chosen or thinking to go a different path from yours. I am sorry to say but that’s what happened to me.

Now, how to deal with this. First, you have to learn to stop blaming yourself for this ( very hard thing to do, again takes some time). Brother,the way you wrote about her, I can clearly see that you really love her and will do anything for her. But the truth is people, situations and this world continues to change, whether we like it or not. There’s gain and loss, pleasure and pain. I am going through huge grief, sadness, loneliness, anger and loss after loving 2.5 years of my life.

Secondly, yes it feels like dying. But you have to stand up and face your sorrows, pain and sadness, for yourself and for your kids as well. And that means you have to accept the situation and be ready to let go. It take huge courage to do that, and we all have that courage in us. To learn this, how to deal with difficult emotions, read books in Buddhist psychology ( when everything falls apart and 10% happier, to start with). Remember, you can’t run from this pain, you have no choice, no one in this world has choice and this Buddhist psychology knowledge won’t alleviate your pain, they will mitigate it. The only way out is through. I cry every morning and night, sometimes during the day. My pain hasn’t gone at all but I understand my difficult emotions alot better now.

Thirdly, work on acceptance and let go. Again, something very difficult to do when someone hurt you or there is betrayal. This will come with time.

For now, you need to work out your living arrangements with her and prepare yourself for this journey. I am with you and so as many people going through the same situation, do not feel you are in this by yourself. You can go through this, you can. We all are going through this.

Make new friends but signing up for new activties, I know , the last thing you want to do in this world but you have to start somewhere.