Hi Aim,

It sounds like you are in a vicious cycle. Every time you feel anxious it activates health problems and vice versa.

The things I’m getting intuitively are for you to become a piano teacher and teach small children. Then join a community orchestra or play the piano at a church. These are low pressure environments. If you mess up a note, people will think “OMG she’s amazing!” rather than the botched B flat.

Conservatories put a lot (A LOT!!) of pressure on their students. My grandfather turned down a conservatory to go to an Ivy League school because he knew the Ivy would be less stressful. Think of that! Very few emerge from the pressure cooker to become professionals.

Please don’t view yourself as having wasted years of your life. You traveled! You had work experience! You (at one point) fell in love!

Health wise, may I recommend Vitamin D. When we have a deficiency our anxiety can go through the roof. (Believe me, I know!!)

Blessings,

Inky